Living with someone who is intense

When you live with someone who is intense you just end up giving up and going along with them.

Every day I leave my house and enter a world of normality. I wear my suit and I drive my car and I arrive at work and I do a days work. I get on with my colleagues, I chat with them and talk to customers and sort out problems, my desk is neat, my work is neat and on time and pretty good.

Then I go home and it is a different world. A world where my wife is absolutely totally in charge. She has allocates the duties for me and the kids. We do what she says, when she says. We eat everything on our plates. We ask her permission to sit and stand and watch tv or read a book. If we upset her she yells and screams about how ungrateful we are.

I have read stories where one partner abuses a kid and the other partner does nothing. I do nothing. At home I am a total weakling. It is all just too hard. If I criticise her in anyway I pay. We all pay. From a week of silent treatment and cold meals to being yelled at or instructed to do extra chores. I just do what she says. I am complicit in her abuse and I know it would be seen as abuse. She chooses all the clothes for me and the kids. We go shopping and she picks the clothes to try. She checks the look and the fit and she decides what will be bought. Each day she put clothes on the kids beds for them to wear when they get home from school. Each evening she puts out what I am to wear the next day. Everyone is always neat. We dare not wear anything else. Everyone complements her on how neat and well dressed we all are.

If we do wrong she dishes out punishment like we are little children. It is easier to stand with my nose to the wall and agree that I was wrong to end the shouting than it is to resist. It is easier to paddle the kids at her command than to be told again and again and again that I am not supportive. It is easier to eat everything on my plate than to be accused of being un appreciative of her cooking.

Then in the morning I get up and get dressed and eat the breakfast she has cooked and I leave and join the normal world.

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  • Today we leave for a holiday. She chose the destination and made the bookings. She has made a list of what has to be packed.


  • Thanks guys for reading. I doubt if I am likely to divorce. Too weak maybe. Too much wishing to be with the kids. And I do actually love her.

    I guess I suddenly sort of realised there is this huge contrast between home and work. Maybe because I've gotten older. Maybe she's become more intense although I don't think that's particularly new. She has always been the leader.

  • This made me feel sad to read. You need to take the children and leave. You may be a passive or even submissive personality but this is just too much. You're all being abused mentally and emotionally...possibly physically.

  • Divorce the b****.

  • She needs to be paddled - grow a pair man

  • That's extreme, doesn't sound like a happy life.

  • There's nothing wrong with someone being strong or "intense" (as OP mislabeled it). Wifey is an abusive control freak, and just because she has two X chromosomes doesn't make it okay.

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