sometimes i want to starve myself again, just so i can feel powerful. i remember feeling invincible; like a walking brain, unattached to the body that i hated.
now that i'm in recovery, i don't think about it as often. sometimes, though, i get drunk and throw up. it's easier than i remember, and that scares me.
it feels really great to be more accepting of my body, but there are always things that remind me that i devalue myself.
when will i learn to look in the mirror and believe that i'm worth it?