Big regret

Since I was 12 I've liked the same guy. I am 18 and we have been off and on. For a while I was talking to his cousin via internet and our conversations were almost always heated. My guy never knew. Finally, when I told the guy we needed a break, his cousin came down to visit me. I snuck out to see him and we had a grand ol time in his truck. When I checked my phone, I realized that my parents had been calling and leaving me messages- they knew I was gone. I couldn't let them know what I was doing so I did something I will forever regret. I walked home and crawled into my dad's lap crying and shaking. Eventually, I managed to get a whole story together to convince my parents I had been raped...Not by the cousin, but by a stranger. I was 17 and the cousin was 21, I couldn't let anyone know. My guy and I have been talking about marriage but every time it seems real, I back away. I know my family hurts because they feel that I was hurt...I don't know how long I can handle this guilt, I fear it may mean that I ruined things for good with my one true love.

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