Terrified and Lonely

I am terrified that the people I know secretly hate me because they think I'm annoying, arrogant, etc. I'm a female college student and I spend most of my time alone on campus. While some people are nice to me, I can't help but wonder if it's just a front, that they just feel obligated to be nice. I have to lie to my parents whenever we talk and say that I have friends that I hang out with, when the reality is I have no idea who is actually my friend.
I honestly don't have much going for me other than my grades. I'm overweight. I'm insecure about everything, and I cover-up those insecurities with bucket loads of sarcasm. I've gotten really good at masking my actual emotions. I feel trapped when I'm in a crowded room.
I've never even been asked out once in my life, except as a prank. The guy thought it was hilarious. Now, I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me.

Anyway, I'll stop rambling.

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  • It's too much hard work, hiding who you truly are.Instead of doing that, put your efforts into engaging and getting involved in group activities more, then you may get out of your head and start to enjoy college life!! It seems like, you think too much.Stop thinking too much and start living!! I know you go to College to study, for a future career.But, in the meantime, enjoy your time there, outside of studying.You're only young, once!!!

    Good luck!!

  • Hey, you seem like your heart's in the right place, so I will pass along what I know and hope it helps. See, I certainly can relate, having gone through it myself, and it took me a long, long time to learn what I learned. If there's a singular good deed for me to perform today, it would be to save you from suffering through it over and over and over the way I did. You can lose some potentially very good years that way. My best advice is to learn to like yourself. You'll be you for a long time, so get used to you now. What nobody tells you about life is that you will spend the time split in two, each half arguing with the other, which may not be news, except aging is having those same set of arguments, over and over and over. And you counter the arguments, counter them again, that's how it goes. Holy smokes it gets tiresome. That's why I say make friends with yourself now. People like you when you like you. And I like the advice others gave. I feel like you have been offered an insight most of your peers don't have. But maybe some of them like you and some don't, but that's okay. Be interesting, but be interested. It's okay to be smart, and it's okay to try hard for something that doesn't turn out the way you planned or hoped. I hope you become more active though, because the world definitely needs people like you. People who want to improve.

  • There isn't anything wrong with you. The things you're talking about are just ways you've learned to *act*, they aren't *you*. You've learned to do these things to keep people from getting too close to you, so you don't get hurt. So, it can't be a surprise to you when your defenses work and people keep their distance from you. If you want to have successful and satisfying relationships, you have to step outside your comfort zone, open yourself to real intimacy, and risk being hurt. If you can't do those things, then your situation will likely not change.

  • It's so rare to find a genuinely insightful comment like this.

  • Being sarcastic is definitely a turn off to most people, I think. Try to just be yourself. People can really distinguish between phoniness and when someone is being genuine; you'd be surprised. It's great that you have good grades. It's very very wise to focus on school instead of searching for friendships that'll probably fade out eventually anyways. You'll always have your good grades; friends come and go. Most people are not very confident when it comes to it. That's the normal human condition, I believe. We are living in crazy times! It's difficult to keep ones head on straight with all of this bullshit going on to distract us. Be grateful that your alive. I lost my Dad last year, and quickly realized that life is precious. Here today, gone tomorrow! At least when we're alive, we have the opportunity to better ourselves. Take care...

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