I hate being a mom

I really hate being a mom. My daughter is 4 and has just started school(thank god) I had her with my husband when I was and 20 she was planned. Everyone around you when you're young always tells you oh babies are a lot of work etc. Well if I would have known what I know now about myself I would have avoided pregnancy like the b***** plague. Before anyone judges me I'd like to give a little background, first of all I am diagnosed as Bipolar I, I do take medication for it but it only makes things manageable. Another thing is my husband works 6 days a week and is gone a total of 16 hours a day, even when he is home he does not equally share the child rearing responsibilities or house work,my entire family lives too far away and due to my age they all still work and have lives of their own, I have no friends because right after I gave birth they disappeared because I could no longer do the things that 20 somethings do. I never get a break. In the past 4 years since she's been born I have literally only had somebody take her for a weekend or a couple days a total of 18 times! I feel like a single parent, outside of having the finiacial support my husband does practically nothing, it's me getting up in the middle of the night, me who is answering her billion f****** questions, me who's picking up the toys , cleaning the mess etc. I hate it!! I can't even get a job to get away because of his work schedule and her school start time, can't afford the daycare and nobody wants to hire someone who can only work 10-2 shifts Monday to Friday. I see so many of my FB friends have their second and third kids and they still get to have lives, whether it be because their parents watch their children often or it be because there husbands have easier jobs and share the load. I cry silently every time I'm alone in my kitchen doing dishes because I hate that I'm like this I hate that I wish I never had my daughter, my life would be so much easier, I wouldn't be struggling with the weight I had put in in pregnancy, my b****** would still look nice and perky instead of flat deflated sand bags due to 2 years of exclusive breastfeeding, I could be doing my dream job, have all the nice things, I could Travel!! But instead I'm ugly,fat and tired. And I'm just not maternal, I hate the constant clinging to me and touching me. When she gets hurt I usually yell at her and ask why did she do that instead of comforting her. Oh and to help cope and try and stay sane I swear A LOT. I swear at my daughter and in front of her, I don't call her names but I would say something like what the f*** are you doing? When she's doing something wrong. I am guilty of telling her to shut up or if I'm very angry I've even said shut the f*** up. I shouldn't have became a mom, I know this now but What can I do but pray things will get better as she grows older. I just wish I wasn't like this I wish I could enjoy her like she deserves. I wish I could be a better mother to her every time I try and believe me I have tried lots of things I just can't seem to change. Read an article once comparing motherhood to tourcher and it's true The Russians would use sleep deprivation as a means of getting info out of an enemy and mothers get about the same amount of sleep as the enemies would. Motherhood is tourcher for me and I wish I felt different. I love my daughter but hate being her mom

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  • TL;DR

    You chose to breed and can't handle the result. Boo hoo.

  • I absolutely understand what you are going through! Becoming a parent was BY FAR the worst thing I ever did! I put my own daughter up for adoption and I am soooo glad I did! I do NOT miss her at all! The second she went away to her new family, I felt like I had been let out of prison! I had a huge feeling of relief and "GOOD RIDDANCE!" YOU NEED TO PUT HER UP FOR ADOPTION AND DON'T LOOK BACK! You will not regret it!!

  • You say you love your daughter, but pushing her away when she needs comfort, and/or yelling at her and using curse words indirectly or directly to her is neglect and abuse. She's 4, she's aware of more than you know. You are going to change her at the core of who she is because of your inability to mother her correctly and lovingly. And the things you say she probably mimics and repeats the stuff you say to her preschool classmates. Don't f*** up her life, because you f***** up yours. You got married and pregnant young, you need to come to terms that your life is different than others your age. You need to make some changes in your life. A talk with your husband and see if he can get another shift or whatever where he doesn't have to work 6 days a week or always be away from home. And now that she's in school, maybe you need to consider getting a PT job, something that gets you out of the house and among some other adults. Go to your doctor and make sure the meds you are on are actually working. Stop complaining and do something to change your life. Meet people or other moms to do things with. Start exercising and eating healthy. But have a very serious conversation with your husband about the state of your family. Maybe take a look at your marriage. Is it really working? Can it work that's he's always away? If you can't take care of your daughter properly and give her what she needs to truly thrive, please consider giving her up for adoption. Foster care will suck for her, but living with you for the duration because you are selfish and unfit to really give her what she needs will do more harm as she gets older. Then go and get your tubes tied so another child won't have to suffer. You need to be really honest with yourself.

  • U suck..sorry but damn. Put her up for adoption.

  • Sorry hon. Having no support is horrible. I had no support either. I took my child to parks a lot. Fresh air, and greenery can help cheer things up. I worked a couple of night jobs at fast food, Walmart when my child was that she, but it was exhausting working til 3:00 am to come home and get up at 5:00 to keep a child busy for another 12-15 hours. At least the financial aspect is not a problem. Find any little escape you can, reading, a movie, shopping. I understand, I really do. Practice every time you want to yell at her, talking in baby voice. Keep doing it. I pray for you to find a routine of comfort and eventually love your life and your baby girl

  • Torture. The word is Tortue.

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