How to get rid of this horrible pain?

As a person who has always been very confident, I recently cut ties with a guy "friend" who made me question my value. Stupidly, since discovering who he truly is, there has been a cloud hovering over me that I just cannot shake; a cloud of "pick me"..."am I not good enough?". I thought he was a friend, but saw that I did not qualify to be his friend because I am black, like him. I am very kindhearted, attractive, in shape, and single by choice because I refuse to settle for the men who I've come into contact with who only try to get with me for s**. With this guy, I truly thought he was a real friend and gentleman, but was saddened to find that all he pays attention to is non-black women and their "assets", and ignores me as if I do not exist. On top of that, over time, I found that he is a very selfish person, and would only acknowledge me if I gave him something like food, or responded to me if I complimented him. He could care less about me, and I didn't realize until this storm cloud began raining on me. It makes me not want to ever trust a man. How can I get rid of this horrible feeling? I've been praying and trying to continue on with my life for weeks, but I keep resorting to how much pain I've felt from the way he treated me. I am not very emotional, but today, I just broke down and cried. It hurts so much, more than I can say! I'm tearing up as I type this. How can I get rid of this pain?

Nov 17, 2016

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  • Pain from feeling like a friend has done you wrong cuts deep. Find new friends and keep fit with exercise

  • Superstition.

  • This happens all the time, especially to girls and women. Get to know someone before you get attached to them and if you have mutual acquaintances its ok to ask about them.

    When someone disappoints you or hurts you its a good thing to be able to grow a thick skin. The world's full of people who hurt you.

  • Thank you. I don't get attached to people in general, which is why this situation is so different. He posed as someone / something he was not, and that's why I felt so comfortable confiding in him.

  • We all go through it. I had a very good, very close female friend and business associate (so close that most people thought we were either married or a couple), and got away from her last year for multiple reasons. Knew it was the right move, and, that I'd miss her, but, had it with the drama, two-facing, and wondering when I'd be next up for her to slam to other people.

    Do I miss her now from time to time? H***, yes...It really was like breaking up with a girlfriend. I did care about her, she cared about me, we shared a lot together on a personal and professional level, yet..I knew it couldn't continue. One of us would end up more hurt than we were if it went on any longer.

    Time will heal the wound. While I miss her, I also know, concretely, and it's been proven..Was the right move. You'll grow from this.

  • Wow, what a story. Thank you for the advice.

  • Even if you weren't dating him, it was still a relationship. And you have chosen to end it. It's hard when something ends. You have to allow yourself to go through the grieving process and mourn the loss. Be kind to yourself. Treat people on an individual basis. Don't lump people all together. That friend was immature and selfish. And maybe why you are having a hard time with this, you didn't say anything to this guy. You just stopped talking. So there's no real closure in telling him directly. But at the same time, this guy may not be capable to really be the friend you need.
    So cry and maybe write down your thoughts and let it go.

  • Thank you so much for your advice. I actually did not just stop talking to him, and tried reaching out for weeks before throwing in the towel. I called and texted, but he ignored all of my efforts to talk to him but spoke to anyone else, so I stopped wasting my time.

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