Loosing my mind
I'm a mid 50s married man.. I have a good job.... nice home and basically a good life. And a lifetime of being miserable.
Everyday I think about having s** with a man. I have a couple of toys and use them every chance I get. I practice deep throating them. I use them anally and wish I could feel them c** in me. I fantasize about a man coming along and mentally leading me down a path that would cause me to give up everything just to have his c***.
I have been with three men over my lifetime. Each time I e********* the instant their c**** touched my mouth. All three were short term "affairs" with none of them able to detect the inner submissive nature to lead me down the path. I have had every fantasy possible from being used as a personal c** dump, to a "sissy" s***. My mind can go for hours about things I wish I could find a way to do. But my mind goes blank when asking why I don't change things.