I'm lost

BFD. Do you think that makes you special? It's very common and nobody gives two $hits about you. Suck it up and learn how to live on this pathetic rock until you keel over.

Therapy, medical aid, meditations and a break - maybe what you need to evaluate your feelings and areas in your life, that needing cleansing/healing.

Chat sites is phone lines are anonymous 100% of the time

Sorry to hear. I was depressed. Basically the wife went cold on me and seemed to imply I was unatractive and sick. I felt really unloved and unlovable. Started chatting to a woman I know just for some conversation. It's turned into an affair. Now I feel loved again and no longer depressed.

Talk to someone and get help. Anyone. A counselor or a teacher or someone you trust. Even your doctor. Sometimes confiding in friends is great, but often they don't know what to say or do. Do not wait, it's hard to ask for help sometimes but it's so worth it, because you're worth it.