My brother

Earlier this year I found out that my younger brother who I hadn't seen in over twenty years died of a drug overdose. Its a long story why I didnt see him for so long. I wish it was me that died. I would give anything to change places with him and let him live the life he was supposed to leave. He was so young, not even thirty. He just made bad choices. I didn't help him when I had the chance and didn't try to contact him when I should have. I have lost everyone else in my family already, including my parents and older brother. I am not completely alone, without a wife, girlfriend, children or family of my own. This is my punishment. To live out the rest of my life alone and empty. THere used to be a pit inside me and now its a chasm. Even though I smile and fool people I no longer feel happiness. I am dead inside. I know its wrong to end my own life but I ask God to please end my sentence and let me see my family again. My life is meaningless and I will never be happy again. Nothing will ever fill the emptiness. I don't deserve to be happy anyway because I am really a terrible, weak person. I sometimes wonder if life is even real.

Aug 7, 2017

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  • Your stated your aren't completely alone. Did you make an error

  • Yes. I wasn't thinking logically and didn't proofread what I wrote. I am completely alone.

  • You have a wife and girlfriend apparently, and you don't know whether you have children or a family. Re-read what you've written, because you've contradicted yourself a few times. I call bullshit on your story!

  • I meant to say I don't. Forgive me for being emotional and typing quickly while trying to post this. I didn't realize the site had grammar police

  • This site doesn't like to be bullshitted by bullshit. If your confession is genuine, seek help, support and advice from support groups. If you're depressed like you state, medical help is advised - doctors can prescribe you with anti-depressants or refer you to therapy. Don't suffer alone in silence, it's unhealthy and your mental/psychological state of mind will deteriorate, without professional intervention.

  • Seek therapy

  • First, let me start off by saying I am sorry for your loss. I have a little brother who has struggled with addiction. People like that can't be helped unless they make the decision to change their life. Don't let your brother's mistakes make you feel like you did something wrong. Try to look at it this way, Your brother no longer has the ability to live a full and happy life. You live that life for your brother. Make your life as full and happy as you possibly can since he no longer has the option to do so with his own. I'm sure your loved ones would want you to be happy. Do it for the people around you, too.

  • If only it were that easy. It is impossible for me to lead a happy full life. I'm completely alone. If I were to disappear very few would miss me. What is the point of going on when the next forty years will be nothing but emptiness and loneliness'? I know it's what I deserve though.

  • How do you know the next forty years will be filled with loneliness and unhappiness? No one knows what tomorrow brings, as there's no guarantees with anything in life. Take one day at a time. Take small steps to improve your life in the present tense and that'll leas to big steps/improvements for your future, if god blesses you with a long life. Seek medical advice and support. Perhaps encourage yourself to join support groups in your local area or over the internet if you aren't brave enough, to join a face-to-face group. You have loads of options and choices, it's upto you what you do with them. Don't continue to waller in your pity and depressive state without making changes to improve it, because you'll only get worse. Be brave and make a change now. Baby steps remember :) You can do it!

  • You aren't alone. You stated you have a wife, a girlfriend and children or a family

  • Your brother is in a better place

  • Prrhaps

  • I wish I was there with him

  • We'll you aren't. Your brother made his choice, wether he was aware of it or not. Concentrate on yourself now, as you're the one still alive. It seems cold, but I don't mean it in that way - I'm just a realistic and forward thinking person.

    Focus on trying to feel better and get the support/help you need. If you don't have ny friends, there's numerous support forums, vlogs and websites online where you can make some and seek the support you need, if you feel self-conscious about attending support groups and functions in your local area. Perhaps seek out new hobbies and interests, if you have any. Those should encourage you to put your energy and focus into something positive. Learning new skills, hobbies and techniques is a good place to start. Perhaps, yoga, reading, writing, studying, meditations, tai chi, martial arts/MMA, dance, painting, gardening, walking/driving to new places etc. Anything of interest to you and financially viable to do, don't be afraid to try it. Don't give up on yourself. As long as you're breathing and healthy physically, you keep on the icing, living and making the most of your life. You only have one if that's what you believe, so try to live it.

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