Earlier this year I found out that my younger brother who I hadn't seen in over twenty years died of a drug overdose. Its a long story why I didnt see him for so long. I wish it was me that died. I would give anything to change places with him and let him live the life he was supposed to leave. He was so young, not even thirty. He just made bad choices. I didn't help him when I had the chance and didn't try to contact him when I should have. I have lost everyone else in my family already, including my parents and older brother. I am not completely alone, without a wife, girlfriend, children or family of my own. This is my punishment. To live out the rest of my life alone and empty. THere used to be a pit inside me and now its a chasm. Even though I smile and fool people I no longer feel happiness. I am dead inside. I know its wrong to end my own life but I ask God to please end my sentence and let me see my family again. My life is meaningless and I will never be happy again. Nothing will ever fill the emptiness. I don't deserve to be happy anyway because I am really a terrible, weak person. I sometimes wonder if life is even real.