I've had an eating disorder for about three years now. It's a terrible terrible devastating disease. I am 21 years old, trying to come into my own, which is pretty rough when I binge and purge daily, sometimes twice a day. It feels awful. I do it to numb my emotions, I do it to release my tension. I do it when I'm sad, scared, happy, anxious, want to avoid my feelings or want to avoid work. It makes me feel lazy, pathetic, and hopeless. I'm on anti-depression medication but it doesn't seem to be helping much.
I'm a pretty girl, I have a great family, a great boyfriend, and a bright future...or at least I did have a bright future. The eating disorder makes the future seem like what daily life is like now... and everyday has become h***. I can't escape it, and I can't tell my family...they've been through too much already. I could tell my boyfriend, but I don't want him to see me in that light.
I feel like I'm never good enough. I feel like a phony. I feel like a liar. I feel like there is more I could do to recover but I'm too lazy. I feel like there's a part of me that doesn't want to give up the comfort it brings me. I've traded friendships and opportunities for nights in with food and a toilet. I wish I knew nothing of this pain.

Jul 8, 2010

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  • I've been through, no i'm not bulimic but my ex fiancee was. I was ready to accept her with the disorder and told her that we'll face it together and get out of it. But she chose bulimia over 8 grand diamond ring :( would have done whatever it takes to get her back to normal and even though i am not bulimic but i can frel their shoes. Good luck everyone

  • Pain being the operative word! People who have not experienced this pain will never understand what we are going through and that is the hardest part. I feel like i am completely alone in this world. I have been suffering, and i mean SUFFERING with an eating disorder for 3 years.

    Please know that you are not alone and there are others out there who are also suffering the same way as you. I can't offer any words of encouragement because i am still emersed every second of the day with my disorder. I am ashamed and scared every second that someone is going to find out my secret, everytime someone looks at me I think that they know.

    The fact that you are on here is the first step and i think it means that you want to change or connect with someone else, I know, cause that is what I did. Anyway I wish you all the best and hope tomorrow was better than today. All my love goes out to you

  • hey...we are going through the exact same thing. of course i can't contact you, as this is anonymous. this summer i started recovering. i have relapsed, but it is a journey, not a destination. if you decide to start to recover (which you CAN DO if you decide you are ready to) you WILL IMPROVE. it won't be perfect, but every month can be a little better. and if it gets worse, it's OK. each day is a new day. right now, i feel like bulimia has become who i am. it f****** sucks. but...we can recover. i have no idea who you are, but i hope you are in some way better right now...

  • I used to be bulimic, and it cost me the bond I had with my mother and my best friend. But, we started over, and i'm good this time. I still get urges, but find the will to overcome it.

  • All I can say is that I'm so sorry... I really hope that you get better, because you seem like a wonderful, intelligent girl. Get better soon!

  • Sounds rough, sorry. I'm a 16 year old boy in a similar situation with the bulimia stuff, I only did it for this girl and now she's starting to hate me for it haha, how ironic :( Just try and get better, for the ones you love.

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