Dreams that I've put to rest

I had a fantasy that there was someone just like me out there, the good part of me, the part that strives to help and loves so much that it's painful. I didn't expect much, I didn't care about the person's age, looks, health, deformities, education, money, etc. I was even willing to find it in someone of the same gender, even though I'm not bisexual, I could do without s**. Something in me was obsessed with this and I had hoped to find a partner to navigate this crazy world with, it wasn't even really something I used to be conscious of, it was more of a deep underlying need.

Then I found you.

I used to feel that I found this person who could understand and feel me on a level I needed to be understood and felt on. Someone who I could pour all my love onto, who I could help and who could help me realize my full potential. It was never about getting a big house, 2 kids and a nice car or even a great career. I wanted more, I guess I was raised to want more important things.

You really did me a favor by showing me that you weren't who I really thought you were, I thought you were different but you're the same as all of the others. Now I can die quietly with a broken heart and broken dreams. At least I don't have to strive for anything or anyone anymore. I've lost all interest in anything like that, it was about a journey to you. I'm not even sure what I was expecting, maybe you gave me all you could, maybe the love doesn't run deep in you, maybe you aren't as deep as I gave you credit for. You did acknowledge that I existed, I guess I will always have that. Had I known way back then what I know now, things would've gone very differently. I gambled everything on you and I lost, I admit I was a fool to see more than I did in you. I have a lot of people that I let down because of it.

I can honestly say I'm okay with dying now, I can say I tried with everything that I am. I have nothing left to prove or do. I can also say to those who do love so hard, so completely and so compassionately, I see your heart even if you think I don't. You are with me always, eternally and I swear that is true. I love you and if you feel me, you know it. <3

The song and video are practically an autobiography.

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  • This sounds like my life too. 25 years and I'm lonely. She's not interested.

  • Things can change and like i said in earlier posts. Be kind too yourself and look acter yourself. Surround yourself with positive people and seek help from those who care for you. Look after yourself and be safe......

  • Thank you.

  • Please respond and post anytime and i will reply when i see your posts. Theres allways hope and i care even though i dont know you. Im person who posted 6 days ago. Please look after yourself and thinking off you. From somebody who cares and send you a hugg.

  • Please respond....

  • Are you there. Please dont hurt yourself and im begging you. I have mental issues and somebody done bad things too me as a kid and things that keep me awake at night and make me want too end it. Please hang in there you are worth it and you will meet some body who truelie loves you and cares for you. Be loved because you are you and as i post this im crying and im meant too be a man. Your worth liveing and have value and are an amazeing beautifull kind loveing person. I send you what love i have and please respond. Somebody cares. Sorry for my spellings and words. But what i say is true.....

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