Dreams that I've put to rest
I had a fantasy that there was someone just like me out there, the good part of me, the part that strives to help and loves so much that it's painful. I didn't expect much, I didn't care about the person's age, looks, health, deformities, education, money, etc. I was even willing to find it in someone of the same gender, even though I'm not bisexual, I could do without s**. Something in me was obsessed with this and I had hoped to find a partner to navigate this crazy world with, it wasn't even really something I used to be conscious of, it was more of a deep underlying need.
Then I found you.
I used to feel that I found this person who could understand and feel me on a level I needed to be understood and felt on. Someone who I could pour all my love onto, who I could help and who could help me realize my full potential. It was never about getting a big house, 2 kids and a nice car or even a great career. I wanted more, I guess I was raised to want more important things.
You really did me a favor by showing me that you weren't who I really thought you were, I thought you were different but you're the same as all of the others. Now I can die quietly with a broken heart and broken dreams. At least I don't have to strive for anything or anyone anymore. I've lost all interest in anything like that, it was about a journey to you. I'm not even sure what I was expecting, maybe you gave me all you could, maybe the love doesn't run deep in you, maybe you aren't as deep as I gave you credit for. You did acknowledge that I existed, I guess I will always have that. Had I known way back then what I know now, things would've gone very differently. I gambled everything on you and I lost, I admit I was a fool to see more than I did in you. I have a lot of people that I let down because of it.
I can honestly say I'm okay with dying now, I can say I tried with everything that I am. I have nothing left to prove or do. I can also say to those who do love so hard, so completely and so compassionately, I see your heart even if you think I don't. You are with me always, eternally and I swear that is true. I love you and if you feel me, you know it. <3
The song and video are practically an autobiography.