Strung Along

My long-term boyfriend keeps telling me he wants to get married and be with me forever. He has been telling me that for five years. I’ve reached the point where I no longer believe him.

Four years ago, we moved in together. Three years ago, we merged our finances. Two years ago, he moved across the country with me. One year ago, he said he had started looking at engagement rings. At that point I was SURE that it was really going to happen. I bought a wedding dress. I bought a ring for him. I slipped hints about wanting a simple, inexpensive wedding. And I waited and waited and waited for that proposal which never came.

I’m starting to feel like he’s lying to keep me around. I know he loves me. He shows me every day. I just wish that he wouldn’t tell me that marriage was part of his plan when it actually isn’t.

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  • F*uck him off NOW

  • Stop beating around the bush and get concrete answers. It's time for a very direct conversation with your bf to see how your future paths align. Set a date, giving him enough time to propose. Maybe all the details you have planned out for your wedding need to be reassessed. He's obviously in no rush and maybe all your expectations are scaring him. Also, you should strongly consider keeping your finances separate. Its always important to be very aware of your finances. Don't just trust. Once the $$ is gone, it's gone. You mixed accounts before marriage..if it works great, but still be aware.

  • Sorry, but he's doing you a favor. It isn't going to work, and if you are honest with yourself, you would be able to see that. He loves you like a friend, not like a lover/spouse. Chances are that he is craving someone else--someone better for him--and he's waiting for that opportunity. You might be a nice person and all, but you don't make his toes curl.

  • I think you need to have a sit down and really talk about what you both want. Its clear that you have comitted to him and he has comited to you. If marrage is not part of the plan, he needs to tell you.
    Also a proposal doesnt guarantee marrage, ive been engaged for 3 years. :(

  • He doesn't "love" you in the way YOU use that word. He's holding on to you, hoping something better comes along. He'll only marry you if nothing better ever comes along. That's not love. Don't kid yourself.

  • On the one hand, yes he's being a d*** for saying he's into something he's clearly not. On the other hand, there's nothing special about marriage. The only difference between what you are with him now and what you want is a ceremony. Legally, you are in a common law marriage.

  • He just wants the p**** and is willing to do whatever to keep it. You're playing into his hand. Wake up, child.

  • Why do females chase after the wedding ring so incessantly?

  • Because women, just like men, have hopes, dreams, and goals for how they want their lives to go.

    Imagine that you live in a world where you have this big life goal, but you are unable to move forward with it unless your partner is 100% onboard. Imagine that all your life, you’ve wanted to be a lawyer. You did everything you could to reach that goal. You got good grades. You maintained a clean record. You made it into a good law school. You took out a huge loan to pay for your education. You studied hard night after night to get your Juris Doctorate. But in this imaginary world, your wife has to sign a permission slip before you can take the bar exam to become a lawyer.

    Imagine, then, a scenario where your wife encouraged you and supported you all through law school, but when the time came, wouldn’t sign that permission slip. Maybe she just didn’t feel “ready” for this big change in your lives. Maybe she wasn’t really comfortable with the long hours you’d be putting in, the money you’d be earning, all the lawyer social events she’d have to accompany you to. Maybe she just “likes the way things are now” and doesn’t want to “ruin” it. Maybe she doesn’t give a reason at all.

    After all you’d been through to get here, wouldn’t you feel a little cheated?

    Meanwhile, the years go by and you see your friends from law school all moving on with their lives. They’ve passed the bar and gotten lucrative jobs at prestigious law firms. They’re making a difference. There are pictures on social media of them at lawyer conferences accompanied by their smiling, supportive partners. You feel like they’re all looking at you with pity. You also come from a long line of lawyers, and going home for the holidays is awkward. Your family members all seem a little ashamed of you. They wonder what’s wrong with you. You can’t even go to the dentist without seeing a stack of lawyer magazines in the waiting room, reminding you of that goal that’s forever out of reach.

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