Not a triangle, not even a line: it's just one point

I've been married to my wife for over 3 yrs. Recently I started having feelings for her best girlfriend (matron of honor at our wedding) and then I outright fell in love with her. Neither my wife nor her friend have a clue what I feel for the friend. And so neither of them have a clue that it's driving me effing insane.

May 25, 2018

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  • Although my wife and I have been married far longer, I had a similar situation with a friend of hers almost a year ago. I started wanting her very very badly, but I was sure it was a phase and would pass. My reaction, though, was to withdraw whenever she came around, even if it was in our group of married friends. I was sure that she never noticed, but she did, and through a very convoluted but private and protective method, she arranged to meet me alone, said she knew how I felt, and wanted to make it easy for me, if I wanted to start being with her. We began a really powerful and important relationship that very morning. She can't move away from home for now, for a lot of reasons, but it hasn't stopped us from having a wonderful affair, with hopes of making it permanent. I hope that happens for you, as well. It sounds like both you and your wife's friend deserve to be in love. I wish you only the best. If you like, share my story with her, just as an interesting relationship tidbit, and see if she catches on. Be well.

  • Your situation actually does give me some hope. I'm not sure how I might share your story with her without tipping my hand, but I'm going to keep the idea in mind and hope that circumstances develop such that I can talk to her about you and your lady. Thanks for the encouragement. Your success has made me want my lady even more. I actually masturbated three times last night, thinking about her, and how we would be together, in light of your comments.

  • And your wife is probably fantasizing about your best friend too. Fantasies are fine, just don't act on it.

  • Yes, I understand, and I agree. That could produce a lot of harm. You're right.

  • Whatever don't tell the wife.

  • Got it. I haven't breathed a word of it, and I don't plan to, but the feelings are SOOOO powerful, it's hard to restrain myself sometimes. Thanks for the input.

  • It is best that your wife's friend doesn't know. Don't do anything stupid like profess your love for her in a letter or email. Let it go. It might take years to get over the feelings, but let it go. Seriously, don't f*** up your life.

  • I deeply appreciate you sharing your thoughts, and your exceptional insights: you really understood my thinking. I actually sat at my computer one night a few weeks ago and wrote out my feelings for this magnificent woman (who is a bit older than my wife and myself): how those feelings started, when they started, why it happened, and expressing my urge to leave home and be with her, and for us to have children together. It ran to over six pages and was really detailed. As I was writing, I thought of it as romantic. But when I finished, I knew immediately that I could never send it to her, and that it could never see (and should never see) the light of day, because not only would it not achieve the intended result -- getting this wonderful woman to come to me -- it would injure my wife beyond words. It would have been, from my wife's perspective, incredibly mean-spirited and ugly, and so I never sent it. And you were right about another thing: it will absolutely take years to get over this passion and this urge, if I can ever even come close to getting over it. Thanks so much for writing.

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