My ex is playing mind games
My ex and I lived together with pets, etc. He has been unhappy for the past few months, not able to sleep, depressed, angry and lashing out. He normally has a temper and is often in a negative mood, but it has increased. He mentioned he’s unhappy in the relationship because he wants more and to have children, but I’ve told him that I can’t move forward until we work on some of these issues and address the problems (when he’s drunk, he tells me he hates me and I should die, when he’s sober he says I’m a b**** and he doesn’t love me and he deserves better and he will go out to the bars and look for someone else). He blames it mostly on work and says that his job is so stressful that he takes it out on me. I’m tired of being the punching bag. He finally told me that either I accept him for who he is, which he said isn’t a nice person and often an a******, or I need to move out. He’s been telling me to move out and he hates me for 3 months now. He said he’s wasted enough time and he should be accepted for who he is, even if it’s not a perfect person, and not waste each other’s time. I told him that people need to work at their relationships, and he said love should be unconditional. So, last Sunday, I asked him again if he thought his behavior was ok after a terribly embarrassing weekend in public, and he said no. He also told me that he isn’t changing and if I don’t like it to leave at anytime. So I did. I said if he wanted to work on the issues together, I would be happy to so we can be a better couple, but I can’t continue to accept this. I told him maybe it’s best for us if we part ways since we are both now unhappy. I told him I’d start moving out, which I did over the course of 3 days. He didn’t stop me, apologize, or say one nice thing other than - I hope you’re gone soon, and I’m going to go out and meet someone as soon as your gone.
He called up our best friends and told them I left him with no warning. Then a few days later, he went out with another couple of ours, and started crying at the bar over how I abandoned him and he would change if I came back. This is all second hand knowledge. Then a week ago one of my girlfriends said that her husband went to a baseball game with him, and they asked him if we’ve talked. He told them he was waiting to hear from me, and not reaching out until I did first, and he wants to work on things but only if he heard from me. So, I reached out after what I had heard, thinking maybe we could work on us. and asked if he wanted to talk and go out to dinner. He said no. I felt confused.
Then I waited 2 days and said, I’m sorry for many things, and I’d really like to see you. Can we get together and see if we can work through this? He said, I can’t. Then I hear he’s been out to the bars with a bunch of single guys until 2am almost everyone night this week.
I don’t understand. Why cry to our friends that he wants to change? Why say he’s waiting to hear from me, and then when I reach out, he rejects me? I haven’t contacted him since and have heard nothing. I just don’t understand why share these details with my friends that will get to me, then act different to me. This weekend will be 2 weeks since I’ve moved out.