I Hate Myself
what do say right now i feel like a scum bag becuase today i caused hurt and pain to my boyfriend of last 6 years for no reason. its not ike we dont evr fite or he has nver hrut me or i him but today wen he came early in the morning just to be with me on new year to make me happy i fought with him . yes he was angry and the one shouting but at the same time at one pint in time he jst went so quite looked so hurt dissapointed and i cant help but blame my self. and i must also admitt tht i keep on fiting wd him. he is so loving so caring. i agree yes attimes he can be a beast but most of the times i jst feel so nice and its becuase he makes me feel that way. but i am such a bad person i hate myself . i love him but today after wht i did may be it is not smething very big like cheating but i cud make it out i broke his trust. he felt shattered and tht look on his face it just killed me. oh i have been mean nad i pray to god to punish me for he is just so nice. he is just human wch smething not so available these days. and look at me i spoilt it all. i am so mean. please dont get me wrog i want to be punished but i pray to god tht he does not leave me for i really really love him n today to say soory does noy even measure with the kind of guilt n remorse i m feeling. i m angry at myself and hate myself. i just pray god wont punish me by taking him away from my life evrything else i will radily accept it not for today but for a the pain i have caused him in last six years. please god please be kind . please be kind and dont separate us but punish me in wchever odr way. please and i will try to and try very hard to be nice and also make me wise and be with me through this.
i know i mite sound stupid but i really wntd to shrare it somehow . hope i wont lose him as his love is my life. he makes me feel alive. or else i just breathe. i love you baby and please forgive me. i love you so much.