I Hate Myself

what do say right now i feel like a scum bag becuase today i caused hurt and pain to my boyfriend of last 6 years for no reason. its not ike we dont evr fite or he has nver hrut me or i him but today wen he came early in the morning just to be with me on new year to make me happy i fought with him . yes he was angry and the one shouting but at the same time at one pint in time he jst went so quite looked so hurt dissapointed and i cant help but blame my self. and i must also admitt tht i keep on fiting wd him. he is so loving so caring. i agree yes attimes he can be a beast but most of the times i jst feel so nice and its becuase he makes me feel that way. but i am such a bad person i hate myself . i love him but today after wht i did may be it is not smething very big like cheating but i cud make it out i broke his trust. he felt shattered and tht look on his face it just killed me. oh i have been mean nad i pray to god to punish me for he is just so nice. he is just human wch smething not so available these days. and look at me i spoilt it all. i am so mean. please dont get me wrog i want to be punished but i pray to god tht he does not leave me for i really really love him n today to say soory does noy even measure with the kind of guilt n remorse i m feeling. i m angry at myself and hate myself. i just pray god wont punish me by taking him away from my life evrything else i will radily accept it not for today but for a the pain i have caused him in last six years. please god please be kind . please be kind and dont separate us but punish me in wchever odr way. please and i will try to and try very hard to be nice and also make me wise and be with me through this.

i know i mite sound stupid but i really wntd to shrare it somehow . hope i wont lose him as his love is my life. he makes me feel alive. or else i just breathe. i love you baby and please forgive me. i love you so much.

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  • "...and use spell check before you post anyhting else ever." Nice
    maybe he hates the way you spell

  • If he's putting up with it, maybe he likes it. Some men like to be treated like that, their called submissives. Is he under alot of stress? Does he have alot of responsibilities? Maybe he wants to be submissive and you to be dominant. It's not all that uncommon. Talk to him about it. Maybe in your personal life he wants you to take charge, tell him what to do, punish him. It's the one part of his life where he doesn't have to meake all the decissions and be the responsible on, he just has to do as he's told and obey. It took me 3 years to find out that my husband wanted to be submissive to me. Since then things have been great and I enjoy it too.
    Good luck in what ever happens.

  • "... and use spell check before you post anyhting else ever."

    ^ Nice

  • thank you for your suggestions.

  • i apologize for the spelling errors. thank you though for bringing it to my notice.

    i have already told him and asked for being forgiven but i know since he is very hurt he wont reply. i know i am have to be patient and hope for the best. just wish he does forgive me and again i am sorry baby.

  • let him know all this.

  • For the love of God learn to spell. Keep the text messaging short hand on your phone.

    At least type your post on a word processor and use spell check before you post anyhting else ever.

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