Ashamed and Depressed
I'm lost. 21 years old with no idea how to get through life. I'm doing what I can but I'm still in limbo.
I had to move in with my boyfriend and his family because I was heavily neglected, sheltered, and abused by my own. I'm in a completely different city, state, and environment, leading a different life.
His mom drives me crazy. Seriously. She is beyond needy, selfish, and inconsiderate. She is an emotional vampire that drains me of my energy, just from being in the same room as her. His siblings seem to follow suit, believing whatever crazy thing she's made up in her mind because she is retired and bored.
I have a job. I hate it. I feel excluded from the rest of my co-workers. They have all been working there for years, so they are very close-knit and so different from me since I come from somewhere elsewhere. They act very indifferently towards me. Some of them even belittle me in a very shady manner. I'm trying not to care but it's hard. Not only that, the workload and commitment aren't worth the money. The way the work is structured is horrendous. It seems like only a few people ever know what is going on and then everything falls to s**t. But how can I quit when I need the money? Especially when I am relying on other people for a roof.
I'm also a piece of s*** girlfriend. My boyfriend has given me a roof to live and all the survival essentials, and I can hardly stand to be around him. We share the same room with different schedules, and there are some days where I feel bitter about not being able to do my own thing/relax because I have to emotionally cater to him since he always needs attention.
In a sick way, I miss my family. I miss having friends. I miss my old life, even though it was awful, I guess I just miss being comfortable and knowing what to expect.
I feel pathetic. There are so many people out there, working jobs, paying bills, going to college, i.e creating a life for themselves as responsibile adults... and I'm just so left behind, struggling to accomplish the bare minimum. I can't help but wonder what is wrong with me. Why do I have such a low tolerance level? Why am I so weak?