End of my rope again

I used to be really suicidal. i suffer from borderline personality disorder and i struggled with severe anxiety and depression for many years. im 26 and I still havent finished school, I have a huge bald spot, and my ex left me a year ago and got pregnant off some f******* literally 3 days after we broke up. she was the love of my life. im 20000$ in debt and I live with my mother who I love very much but I hate spending time with her because she always finds a way to talk down to me. everyone always talks down to me and my life is not my own. i constantly have to adapt. doing the right thing by other people has always been my life goal but i find i have no life because of it. and the writing and exercising i used to enjoy doing now frustrate me because everything feels like a stupis f****** waste of my time. so to feel anything but s***** i just lay in my room and smoke weed and watch movies all day. i try to get projects started but i feel nothing i do ever matters. i couldnt even protect my ex from the lifestyle she has now and i loved her more than anything and warned her constantly that people may take advantage of her kind nature. for nothing. nothing i do matters and all people do is take me for granted and abuse my generous nature. im not perfect at all. im forgetful i can be self righteous and i have a temper but i try very hard not to put others down or take pleasure from their pain. i just dont understand the need to do it to me. i wish i did. im out of weed so ive been taking cough syrup and painkillers just to feel something other than awful. not a whole lot or anything just enough to be buzzed. the world is just so full of lies and judgement and i dont trust that anyone not even my own family has my back. and i know some of that is my paranoia. but i feel like a different species from other people. im kinda miserable and i dont know what i can do to make a difference in the world or for myself. i feel so so alone. normally im okay with these things but lately ive just been so depressed. i just needed to vent. i know God loves me and if I keep the faith I can perservere. there is just so much darkness in the world and i can feel
it seep into me and...yeah.

11 Comments

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  • You need to meet people; whether it’s thru working; a hobby; whatever. You need a friend. You need to get out there.
    NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES! We all go thru dark moments; some more than others. Weed is not good for you.

  • I have no idea why someone would leave such horrible comments to another human being. Shame on you trolls. Please ignore the mean/negative comments but do listen to the constructive ones.
    1) Stop smoking weed (or any other drug) and watching movies in your room.
    2) Exercise and go on long walks to clear your mind
    3) Get a job asap and work hard
    4) get involved with a sport/art/hobby to connect with other people in a positive manner
    5) Start thinking about things in a positive way rather than negative

  • HOLY FU CK!!!! WHO THE FU CK ARE YOU?? DR. FU CKING PHIL??????

    1) Stop smoking week...start doing heroin instead
    2) Take a long walk in the middle of a busy highway
    3) we all know you aren’t going to get a job. You’re a waste of human life and a drain on society.
    4) you are definitely no athlete so guarantee you suck at sports. And any hobby you have is probably just as much a waste as you.
    5) I am positive you are just as worthless as you make yourself out to be. Just get it over with.

  • Ooh, so cranky! Did Mommy not bring you exactly seventeen fish fingers, sweetheart? Or is your nappy wet?

  • “Cry cry cry”

    Do us all a favor, take a gun, put a bullet in the chamber, put it to your mouth and play Russian Roulette. Keep playing til everything goes black.

    Either that or STFU and stop being a FUC KING BABY!!!!!!!! No one wants to hear or give a FU CK about your problems!!!!!

  • Some people are just born to repay past life deeds

  • Set some goals, make a schedule (including one that involves some exercise), stick to it, and pull yourself out of your funk. Try to do at least one productive thing per day. Stop smoking weed and get your body/mind clean.

  • Errr
    stop smoking pot.
    get out of the house.
    stop the crutch of being a student.
    get a job.

    f*** mate you blame everyone for your sorry ass state and just wallow in your own misery and do nothing to change the situation. F*** I would leave you too.

  • Sort your s*** out you self centred SOAB.
    Who gives a s*** if you're single,or going bald at a normal age.
    Pull yourself together,get down the local recruitment office and join the military.
    It will change you for the better believe me.
    You'll have purpose,money,great friends and respect.

    Honestly if you genuinely want to change your life,FOR THE BETTER,then join up👍

  • Wow! I was going to say something inspirational but after reading all your post I now want to get into a warm bath, drink some cheap ass booze and open my wrist with a box cutter. Thanks a lot! No really maybe I can return the favor sometime.

  • You are not alone.

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