I've used alcohol as a coping mechanism to conceal my loneliness and pain due to it. Its caused alot of pain to me and others in the process. I come off with mixed emotions. First happy, then sad then angry. I'ma reclusive drinking mostly. I don't like people seeing me drinking the way I do. The pain I'm numbing is the fear that I have had of me. My faults, my shyness, my introverted nature. I could tell a long story about it but the truth is I just want to be peaceful. I just want to know that I, and others, can have happiness too and not be shut out by the world because they are "normal".
I've been through a pretty rough stint the past 6 days and it has been pretty. Its been angry, been lonely and been saddening. All the things I wish this world wasnt full of. I wish I could leave all my mistakes, regrets and mishaps in the box they belong in.
But I carry a lot of guilt and shame because of the way this pain has made me become. I don't think I should cry about but it does get me down. What I, and think alot of people, are seeking out is just someone they can open up too and tell the truth. Uncut and not held back truth.
My truth is this....I don't want my life to be defined by my addiction or my anger. I want people to know that I do love and care about them and that I do feel their pain like its my own. Everytime. It just doesn't make sense to feel that way in this world. I don't want anyone to be sad or hurt or alone.
Sorry for the length. I hope anyone that is on here and that is hurting can find peace on this earth and hear the words "I love you" with no strings or condition. Take care and sorry for any typos lol.