I hve always been attracted to white men.....
I have always had an attraction to white men but have only dated black men. This is due to the fact that I have never been the type to approach a man no matter how interested I maybe. So I have often until recently been approached by black men and therefore I have mostly dated black men.
Recently a co-worker (white male) and I started seeing each other outside of work and the chemistry between us seemed really great. His hugs and kisses led me to really want to experience him intimately. But recently we had what I initially thought was a general disagreement and in so many words he basically told me that he was glad he found out how stupid and ignorant I am before things got any further. Yes.... he did use the words "stupid" and "ignorant" and this was after I later apologized for what I am not sure happened and I don't believe I did any wrong. I was basically defending myself the entire time and explaining why I made the choices I did in my life.
I felt as if I was being attacked with my personal problems and I couldn't understand why such a general discussion turned the way that it did and why he seemed to suddenly be so insensitive towards me. I thought maybe I had said something wrong and I thought about it for days now and still haven't even been able to come up with anything. I even read my horoscope for that day a few days later (I normally don't read horoscopes). Here is what it said:
You are intelligent enough to know that when someone or something seems too good to be true, it probably is. You'll see the truth behind someone's false front today, but you might be the only one. So be mild in your appraisal of this smooth talker. If you come right out and criticize them, you'll get backlash from the people who are falling under their spell. Just wait this out and have your 'I told you so' comments ready. Because this person will ultimately disappoint everyone.
Reading this actually made me feel better because I now feel that maybe the whole disagreement came about so that I could be able to see who he really is and there was nothing I could have done to avoid it.
Now I think I am a pretty well educated female, work in the corporate world and holder of two degree's I was surprised at his response to my feelings and opinions as I thought we were just generally discussing things. But I think that the way he left me feeling after this whole experience has tainted the way I feel about dating other white men. I am really glad that this happened before we became intimate because I believe if he would have spoken to me in such a way then I would not have been able to handle the situation well emotionally.
I know its not fair to bundle all white men up as one but part of me wonders if all white men can be this insensitive.
And here I was thinking that the greatest challenge me and him would face would be the fact that I am black and he is white and what people would think of us together. The funny thing about that is he never once hesitated to be seen with, hold, and even kiss me in public. I never thought it would be that I didn't measure up.