I'm Ashamed of My Lusts
My father was always cold and distant. When he died I felt empty. I wanted to be close to him. And ever since I became aware of sexual feelings I've had incestuous fantasies. It was daddy/daughter stuff at first but it's grown over the years to include any male relation. I've actually been with three relatives - two cousins (one older one younger) and an uncle. And they were the best s** ever.
I've dated only older men who I end up calling "Daddy". One of those got me pregnant - we didn't marry because he already has a wife but he pays child support and visits sometimes. Our son is beautiful and almost 9 now. I named him after my own father.
I've almost caught my son masturbating more than once, I can hear him at night with his bed creaking and I do it myself. I find myself fantasizing about him and wishing he would peep on me or I would catch him at something - some excuse. I'm so depraved but I can't help it. Something deep inside me says that I have to get close to men in my family this way. I wish he would ask me about the birds and bees. I'm perverted.