I am so embarrassed to talk to anyone I know about this...

I have been in a relationship for 5 years with a guy and thought for a long time that we would get married one day. He is otherwise amazing, loving, makes me really happy and we share a lot of the same interests. My problem since almost the start of our relationship has always been with him and other women. At first I noticed he was flirting with other women online (all of which were women that he has met in person or talks to online quite frequently). Thankfully it was very mild, mostly it was just commenting on their FB photos calling them pretty/beautiful/etc. and generally paying a lot of attention to them. It is very obvious AND he eventually admitted himself, that he was interested in those women at one point but apparently has not had a intimate relationship with any of them. He used to comment on other womens appearances quite often, women in public, celebrities, etc. saying things like "wow, she's hot" , "she's attractive" etc. Not only that, he acts super weird around my female friends who are obviously attractive, he seems to always want to be around them, make them laugh, can't keep his eyes of them and pays a ridiculous amounts of attention to them vs. with me or anyone else there. Generally, he acts very awkward and distant around me in the presence of these friends, almost like we aren't even a couple. These same things happen EVERY time we are around my attractive friends, no matter whether he has met them before or not. He ALWAYS acts significantly more couple-y with me in front of the guys. All of this behaviour got me extremely paranoid because I haven't had the best luck with men staying faithful to me, so I did a little snooping (that I am not proud of) .... some of the things I found were, that he spends a lot of time flipping through the photos of women that he finds attractive on social media (my attractive friends and his 'friends' that he flirts with), saves like 50+ p*** photos almost every single day, he pays over $100/month that I know of on p********** (mostly really weird hentai - which is quite disturbing). I feel that he is not very attracted to me, I'm not sure why because I feel that I am an attractive woman and he says he thinks I am amazing and all that lovey dovey crap. He looks at p*** and stalks womens social media pages every single day but we only have s** about 2-3x/month and he is not very affectionate with me on a daily basis at all. I don't understand why someone who has such a high s** drive never wants to touch me, it really messes with me and makes me feel gross/unattractive. Another thing that bothers me SO much is that he spends $100/month on p*** for our entire relationship, which *SPOILER ALERT* you can get for free. He always states that it is a waste of money to do things like go on vacations, concerts, events and even has no interest in getting married/having small wedding one day because it is "too expensive" yet has spent thousands of dollars on p*** since we have been together. I have confronted him about most of the s*** that bothers me and nothing has really changed. I usually end up making up a ton of excuses for him like "at least he's not cheating on me" but I can't ignore that is really effecting my happiness and self esteem. I also am well aware that more often than not, people don't change - they just get sneakier and I don't know what to do!!!

3 Comments

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  • Get away from this toxic relationship

  • Run don't walk get away from him

  • I think you DO know what to do, which is to end things with him sooner than later, before he breaks your heart and wastes more of your life. You don't want to do that because you will think of it as YOUR failure, which it most assuredly is not, but females frequently associate surrender with failure. Get that idea out of your head and your partner packing. Then . . . go find someone who can make you happy (you deserve it!!) And who doesn't insult you.

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