Man dresses up in Lingerie and gets busy

I am a Man, and I enjoy dressing in Women's lingerie (heels, stockings, garter belt, bra and **, short nighties) when I get dressed up in these clothes, it makes me feel so excited and I want to be seen and used by other Men. I act submissive, and want to have their ** in my mouth and ** them until they **. I am eager to swallow it as well and enjoy the taste. Once it is all over, and I get undressed from the Lingerie I feel guilty and dirty. These dirty feeling last until a day or two later, and I start thinking about doing it all over again. A few of the Men have made me do things that they order or request, like lick and ** their **, or lick their ** and stick my tongue in as deep as I can. One of them mounted me and put his ** inside of me and ** me (he wore a condom thankfully) hard and deep. He came while inside of me and I could feel the pumping of his muscles shooting his ** into the condom while he was inside of me, and I liked it. When he was done and getting soft again, he pulled out and removed the condom and ordered me to open my mouth and drink the ** as he squeezed it out of the condom, and I did and swallowed it all.

I am married and older (late 50's) and I have Diabetes Type 2 which has forced my ** to shrink and stop getting hard. What was once a solid 6.5" is now barely 1.5" and hard to even find it, as it turtles inside of me, so just my bigger ** are showing. I am able to play with it and make it semi hard, not enough to ** or penetrate at all, but I am able to make it **. With no ** showing, my Wife has agreed that I should be wearing ** as I am more like a woman than a man, with no visible **. The Diabetes pills and other Meds have made my ** grow as well, and I now fill a 44 C bra pretty well, and again my wife has said with the ** that I have, I should be wearing a Bra full time. So ** at home has come down to wearing Bra and ** and masturbating myself in front of her until I ** in the **. On a few occasions she allows me to ** on her body, but if I do, I am required to lick it off and swallow my own **. She just laughs and tells me I am a **.

I do not think about being a woman at all, I do not think about a ** change or anything. However, when I am wearing Lingerie, my brain changes and I think of Men and their **, and I want to stroke a ** and ** it until it ** in my mouth. At that moment I enjoy being a ** in Lingerie and making a Man ** in my mouth. I enjoy being used for another Man's pleasure and for nothing else but helping him achieve ** and make him **. A few Men have ** an abnormal amount, more than I can swallow and it drips out of my mouth and onto my Lingerie. I enjoy this as well, and when others see me with ** on my Lingerie they know I am a ** and was sucking **(s) and swallowing their **.

Am I evolving into a Woman? I fear one day my ** will not show at all and will stay retracted inside of me. Are my desires to ** ** when I wear Lingerie normal? Will I let it go further and begin to desire more ** inside of me? After the first time, I have often wondered what it would feel like if a Man was in me and shooting his ** inside of me and filling me up. Sometimes the urge to feel that is very strong....