Man dresses up in Lingerie and gets busy

I am a Man, and I enjoy dressing in Women's lingerie (heels, stockings, garter belt, bra and panties, short nighties) when I get dressed up in these clothes, it makes me feel so excited and I want to be seen and used by other Men. I act submissive, and want to have their c**** in my mouth and suck them until they c**. I am eager to swallow it as well and enjoy the taste. Once it is all over, and I get undressed from the Lingerie I feel guilty and dirty. These dirty feeling last until a day or two later, and I start thinking about doing it all over again. A few of the Men have made me do things that they order or request, like lick and suck their b****, or lick their a******* and stick my tongue in as deep as I can. One of them mounted me and put his c*** inside of me and f***** me (he wore a condom thankfully) hard and deep. He came while inside of me and I could feel the pumping of his muscles shooting his c** into the condom while he was inside of me, and I liked it. When he was done and getting soft again, he pulled out and removed the condom and ordered me to open my mouth and drink the c** as he squeezed it out of the condom, and I did and swallowed it all.

I am married and older (late 50's) and I have Diabetes Type 2 which has forced my c*** to shrink and stop getting hard. What was once a solid 6.5" is now barely 1.5" and hard to even find it, as it turtles inside of me, so just my bigger b**** are showing. I am able to play with it and make it semi hard, not enough to f*** or penetrate at all, but I am able to make it c**. With no c*** showing, my Wife has agreed that I should be wearing panties as I am more like a woman than a man, with no visible c***. The Diabetes pills and other Meds have made my b****** grow as well, and I now fill a 44 C bra pretty well, and again my wife has said with the b****** that I have, I should be wearing a Bra full time. So s** at home has come down to wearing Bra and Panties and masturbating myself in front of her until I c** in the panties. On a few occasions she allows me to c** on her body, but if I do, I am required to lick it off and swallow my own c**. She just laughs and tells me I am a s***.

I do not think about being a woman at all, I do not think about a s** change or anything. However, when I am wearing Lingerie, my brain changes and I think of Men and their c****, and I want to stroke a c*** and suck it until it c*** in my mouth. At that moment I enjoy being a S*** in Lingerie and making a Man c** in my mouth. I enjoy being used for another Man's pleasure and for nothing else but helping him achieve o***** and make him c**. A few Men have c** an abnormal amount, more than I can swallow and it drips out of my mouth and onto my Lingerie. I enjoy this as well, and when others see me with c** on my Lingerie they know I am a s*** and was sucking c***(s) and swallowing their c**.

Am I evolving into a Woman? I fear one day my c*** will not show at all and will stay retracted inside of me. Are my desires to suck c*** when I wear Lingerie normal? Will I let it go further and begin to desire more c**** inside of me? After the first time, I have often wondered what it would feel like if a Man was in me and shooting his c** inside of me and filling me up. Sometimes the urge to feel that is very strong....