Husband mad cos I owed myself on car journey

I was travelling with my husband and 2 children (DD6 and DS8). My husband is loving and kind, but he does have a really volatile temper, and can explode at the tiniest thing. He also makes a lot of jokes at my expense, and if I get upset then he says I have a “stick up my a***” and need to learn to laugh at myself.

We were driving to my in-laws house, which is a two day journey. It was the first day, and he had already been shouting at our children for constantly needing to stop for bathroom breaks. Eventually he confiscated their juice, so that they wouldn’t need to pee so often. They both fell asleep in the back seat.

My husband was fuming about the time added to our journey by heavy traffic and constant bathroom breaks. So when I felt the rising pressure in my own bladder, I decided not to risk asking him to stop. I figured the kids would wake up soon, and I could go to the bathroom at the same time as them. Unfortunately they were in a deep sleep. I was crossing my legs and trying desperately to hold it in.

Eventually I couldn’t hold it any longer and asked him to stop at a motorway service station, so I could pee. I saw the veins bulge in his neck, as he started shouting and swearing at me, slamming his hand hard against the steering wheel and repeatedly told me I was “worse than the kids”.

I was in tears by the time we reached the service station, partly from the desperation of needing to pee, but mainly because he was saying such hurtful things, and his shouting had woken the children, who were frightened by his angry tirade.

After he parked, I jumped up to run to the toilet. Unfortunately my sitting cross legged must have been holding in the urine, and as soon as I got out my seat the dam burst. I felt the hot pee spreading around my crotch and running down my legs. I was absolutely mortified, and wanted to jump back in the car before anyone saw. But I knew Mike (my husband) would be furious if I got urine on the passenger seat. I whispered to him what I had done, and he started pointing and laughing, telling the kids that “mummy needed toilet training”.

They laughed too, but stopped when they saw how upset I was (although I did try my best to smile and put on a brave face for them). Mike continued to laugh, and make comments about me needing a nappy, etc.

Luckily our luggage was in the car boot, and so my son was able to get me clean clothes out. Mike refused to walk into the service station with me, informing us he was “ashamed to be seen” with me. My children and I walked in, as I desperately tried to cover my crotch with my handbag. My feet were squelching in my urine-soaked shoes, and I had dark streaks down the legs of my pale trousers.

I took my six year old daughter into the disabled stall, and she peed whilst I washed myself a little. My son waited outside the bathroom, whilst I silently got changed. I tried to make light of it to DD, and just said “silly mummy”, etc, but inside I felt so terrible and mortified and ashamed. I had to put my wet clothes in a polythene bag, which Mike made a big deal about bringing into the car, in case it leaked.

The rest of the car journey I had to pretend to be in good spirits, for the sake of the kids. When I got to the B&B I went for a shower whilst Mike took the children to the beach. I was sobbing uncontrollably in the shower, with waves of guilt and shame. I pulled myself together for my family returning and, other than one instance of Mike shouting at and smacking the kids for being ungrateful by refusing to eat a meal his mum had cooked them, we had a great 2 weeks holiday.

That was 6 weeks ago, and my husband has made so many comments about it since. Every time I drive anywhere he reminds me to pee beforehand, and starts laughing. He has always been very touchy-feely, and whenever he gropes me in between my legs (normally he grabs me from behind when I’m standing in the kitchen), he says something about being scared of getting pee on his hands. I would love if he stopped groping me, tbh, as he does it constantly, even in front of the kids. I hate it. But of course it is not worth the argument to protest.

Anyway, I had to get it off my chest. Obviously I can’t talk to any of my friends about it, as then they’d know about my accident. I can’t tell my mum, as she dislikes Mike. So I am telling internet people!! My husband is a good man, and a great dad, but he can be so cruel to me sometimes, and I hate having no-one to talk to. I can’t seem to stop provoking him, and get back the lovely man I married. Thanks for reading.

Oct 4, 2020

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  • Try and get out of the relationship. Or get him to see someone about his temper. He sounds abusive.

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