My horrible secret

I'm an eighteen year old girl with a horrible secret. I've never been able to tell anyone this, for reasons I'm sure everyone will understand. On the surface, I seem perfectly normal. I started college this fall, I work part-time, and so on. Problem is, I'm far from normal. In fact, I'm about as far from normal as it's possible to be.

Because I'm a pedophile.

I know at least some of you are saying that's not possible because I'm too young and/or because I'm a girl. But I have no doubts about what I am. I've never liked anyone, guy or girl, my own age or older. All of my sexual and romantic feelings are for kids in the eight to twelve age range. I'm mostly into boys, but do experience some attraction to girls as well.

I wish I knew why I was like this. It'd be nice if I had a history of abuse I could blame this on, but I had a totally normal childhood. I guess I'm just wired wrong.

I've never acted on these feelings and I don't want to. I hate being like this and don't know what to do. I can't imagine living the rest of my life with these feelings, but I don't have it in me to commit suicide either. Occasionally, I think about seeing a therapist, but I don't see the point in it. Isn't this supposed to be incurable? Plus, I don't know if I could tell anyone face to face, even if patient confidentiality forbids them from saying anything to anyone. Just typing this anonymously is hard enough.

I'm hoping that someone reading this might have some advice. I don't know what anyone could say that may help, but at this point I'm desperate. I want to be normal more than anything in the f****** world.

27 Comments

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  • Sounds way too articulate to be 18... probably a cop

  • How I've fantasized (role play) about you since first reading this... you playing with, and molesting my bald, cut and tiny p**** that is standing proud, and throbbing. But, I can't bum because I'm 12 and the summer before puberty hits. How I want you to seduce me, molest me, teach me, play with me, make me your servant...

  • It's like any disturbing thoughts... you have the ability to decide how you're going to react to them. Acknowledge them and let them pass...know the power grows to have them not affect you the more you let them pass.

  • The posts below that are supporting you dude are bullshitt. If they had children and they saw someone staring and a little too interested in their children. They would beat the pedo to death.
    These are true facts about pedophilia! A lot of people in prison for this crap had no criminal background. They where working leading a somewhat of a normal life! But those thoughts where there and some just get caught downloading kiddy p***. And some acted on their fantasy and got caught.

    Pedophilic's will act on their fantasy when the opportunity strikes. Usually it is someone they know and that can and does lead to murder of the victim. Child victims suffer from PTSD for the rest of their lives and some even commit suicide later in life.
    Fact most pedophilic's in prison for life state that if they are let out they would repeat their crimes.

  • If your article is true dont worry. Everyone has his or her kind of desire. Its like some people like to drink, or smoke. Release your sexuality in another way, try stuff that makes you h**** in a legal way swinging / roleplay or get someone who looks younger. In the end every person has his demons and yours arent unusual. Dont suppress your desires, release them in another way.

    If your sexual desire gets out of hand talk to a therapist about hormon pills for birth control. They usually reduce sexual desire. You will be fine if you accept yourself and control the desire.

  • )continued in comment below)As long as you don't want to hurt anyone or make someone uncomfortable, then there's nothing wrong with you. And in a different world I think there would be a place for you. But society has labeled it as horrible as murder. Molesters have serious issues and are sick, pedophiles feel LOVE, and attraction. They're hugely different things and research backs this up. The same way being gay was considered horrible some time ago, I think people don't understand. In NOT saying do something about this, like with a child. I'm saying don't hate yourself. It is a crime. But you're far far from alone. And it doesn't make you a monster. Despite what all the people who hate it believe, that's what they're told to believe. That's what they're taught. But I do think there's more to this story.

  • Just because society says something is horrible doesn't mean it is. I recently say a study that tested physical reaction to images of children. 80 something percent were aroused by people the age you mentioned. I think it's a repressed trait that could be completely harmless if society didn't condemn it. Children start feeling arrousal and sexual attraction and masturbating between ages 6-12, so there's a very similar thing going on when them. A healthy and consentual exploration of sexuality could greatly benefit them, but society makes it seem like murder because to them everything is black and white, and to them a pedophile equals a child rapist, but they're very very different things. I also read most "pedophiles" feel LOVE, with the l***, where as molesters are just sick and have serious issues. They're completely different things. I wish you and anyone else who sees this and has this same thing, all the luck in the world. Please don't kill yourself. The world needs you.

  • You are full of bullshitt. It aways starts out as a fantasy and then progress's from there. Even a lot of murders between spouses start as a fantasy idiot.

  • I will give you sound advice. Once a pedo always a pedo. There is no cure for you. You are focked in the head. A focked up head is not treatable. So instead of spending your sick life in prison and some poor child focked up for life. Take a long walk into the woods, take a deep breath and blow your brains out

  • I disagree. You, the commenter are sick in the head. The author is an honest soal. Everyone is different and everyone has his demons.

  • Texas infant dies in sexual assault, father charged
    An autopsy found the 9-month-old was sexually assaulted and died during the attack
    A Houston man faces capital murder charges in connection with the death of his 9-month-old daughter, whose body investigators said showed signs of sexual assault.
    Harris County sheriff’s deputies went to an apartment complex just after midnight on Aug. 24 for reports of an unresponsive infant, according to authorities.

  • When they arrived, emergency medical workers already were treating the child, identified as Savayah Mason – but she was pronounced dead at the hospital.

    A Harris County Institute of Forensics autopsy found that she had been sexually assaulted and died of asphyxiation during the attack, according to a news release from the sheriff’s office.

    Authorities launched a homicide investigation and interviewed her father, 23-year-old Luis Luna. On Monday, they charged him with capital murder in connection with his daughter’s death. He was taken into custody without incident.

    “Heartbreaking,” Sheriff Ed Gonzalez tweeted after the arrest. “Worst type of cases. May this little angel rest in peace.”

    You think that father meant to kill his kid? No he was a pedo and acted upon his fantasy A$$HOLE

  • Roleplay!

  • You’re only a peado if you’ve actually abused someone.

  • That is false by definition

  • I will give you sound advice. Once a pedo always a pedo. There is no cure for you. You are focked in the head. A focked up head is not treatable. So instead of spending your sick life in prison and some poor child focked up for life. Take a long walk into the woods, take a deep breath and blow your brains out.

  • Now I see why these confession sites are f*****. People really just like to make others feel bad about their problems they’re trying to get over.
    Pedophilia is a mental illness. Sure it’s disgusting but OP knows that and she’s trying to get help. And mental illnesses can be cured.
    Why don’t you do everyone a favor and not go out of your way to be a d*** just bc it’s anonymous.

  • Fock off pedo you sick fock!

  • No, the reply above your's is the truth! First it's a sick guy not a girl.
    Pedophilic's will act on their fantasy when the opportunity strikes. Usually it is someone they know and that can and does lead to murder of the victim. Child victims suffer from PTSD for the rest of their lives and some even commit suicide later in life.
    Fact most pedophilic's in prison for life state that if they are let out they would repeat their crimes.
    This confession is a pathetic sick attempt to JO to replies.

  • The advices before this comment are all good. But I think you should go to a therapist. Even if it is incurable, you'll have someone professional to talk to, who would listen without judging in real life. You'll feel better and eventually the guilt would wear off. I'm not a pedo, but I can't imagine the frustration of being like you with nothing to blame it upon. Therapist might really be a good idea. I wish you good luck.

  • My dear, i will not judge or anything. I have the same problem as you. Perfect in everything, but dark thoughts inside. I have never touched or done anything to a minor. But when i have these needs, i could tell me gf to roleplay schoolgirl or anything that seems young, or even pleased myself with online stuff. If you need to talk to someone who understands, let me know.

  • My thoughts are: . Some of the advice given sound good to me. Honey satisfy your desires for young immature looking people, male or female , try them both. Seek young adult Asian people, they are attractive and many physically mature slowly and look like children. It is important to avoid children, one reason of course is it is against the law, the other and most important reason is they are too young to understand emotionally what is happening. Good luck Honey, I am sure you can channel your attractions safer ways.

  • Take it easy - it might be rooted into your sublime mother-instinct. Alternatively, a fetish that will likely to wear off when you find a suitable bf to spend your time.

  • You can quit we all have problems and we work something out.
    stop the triggers.
    you can distant yourself from kids and minors.
    don't work-talk-hold-kiss or stay in the same room with kids.
    you can seek a love partner for your age and older. it require your commitment.

  • You can modify your existing fetish to be something acceptable and fun. The trick is that your going to have to do p*** research. Start making yourself watch p*** that revolves around the traits you are attracted to. Be sure to m********* while watching so that it effectively associates. For example you can watch twink p***, small p**** p***, child role play, petite males, etc. If you watch and fantasize about that stuff your fetish will modify. I’m a man and had to do a similar thing. It wasn’t for kids but other unacceptable fetishes. I’m now sexually functional and guilt free. Give it a shot.

  • Fock off pedo you sick fock

  • Girl, I have not set up an account here but reading your post makes me think i will. I have a very similar problem minus the attraction to girls. I'm 21 and a virgin by choice (because i don't want a BF yet). But I'm obsessed with penises. ALL penises. And can't not stare when I see one, especially the younger ones. But I have never done anything, and never plan to with anyone underage. But the thoughts are there. Please update if you get any sound advice!

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