Addicted from being obese

I know this sound kind of strange, but I've always been like this. Even in my childhood I was thinking how it will be if I get fat? And now I'm now the answer- amazing. I've gained more than 50kg with is around 120 pounds and I feel great. It's a big relief for me, now I stopped laying myself and do what I always wanted. Eating by all days it's amazing. The weight of the gut also. I was a skinny, active guy but now I'm fatty. I don't have any regrets. Honestly I want to be huge, as huge and fat as is possible