I am finally going to get very fat

I am a 37 year old guy. Husband to a great wife who I have two amazing kids with. I am in a high-ish position in a mid-sized firm with good salary, I have been in great shape my whole life. Always worked out, always ate healthy. People always said that I'm good-looking. I think I dress well. From the outside you would say I live a very good life and I have lots of things going for me.

But this all has been a struggle for me, and I feel like it's only a facade. From a very early age, I wanted to be fat. I don't know why really. But I so wanted to get fat, to know how it feels. To have all the effects of it, good and negative. But I never did, instead I blocked it by agressively doing everything the other way. I figured if I so vehemently followed what was logical, then maybe it would go away. But it never did. Sometimes it would fade slightly, other times it would be so strong I found it hard to focus on mundane things. But this desire always remained, so for the longest time I thought I would just live my life normally and have this unexplainable stupid thing with me forever.

But now I decided to do it. I don't know what changed, but the moment I decided I became so excited. I haven't felt like that since I was a child. I became so tired of it all, I just said what the heck. Why can't I live my life the way I want? I want to eat until I'm full and drowsy, I want to be lazy, I want to not care about my appearance so much, I want to feel heavy and comfortable! So I'm doing it.

For the past 2 weeks I haven't worked out and I never intend to again. And it's just so good. I have so much more time to relax. Especially when your stomach is nice and full too. I have been eating so much and been snacking which I always denied myself. Maybe it's just me but I'm already feeling a bit softer maybe. And it makes me almost giddy. I am commiting, I want to embrace this lifestyle. I am going to be an obese and out of shape middle aged guy.

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