Too shy to kiss my boyfriend

I love my boyfriend, and I want to get physical with him but we haven't even had our first kiss. Every time he tries to kiss me I get so anxious I look away and he feels bad. I want to kiss him so bad but I'm a really shy person so I just get scared. He's only one year older than me but he's more experienced, since I'm behind for someone my age. He's also more attractive than me and I'm ugly so I get so scared he'll leave me if I keep avoiding being physical with him. I want to make out with him so bad but I'm so useless I can't even do it. This is super embarrassing, but the truth is that I still haven't had my first kiss. I have fantasies about having ** with him too, but how am I supposed to do that if I can't even kiss him. Sorry for complaining, it feels good to get this off my chest

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