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Should I Leave Home Because of Abuse?
At this point, leaving home is completely justifiable because of abuse. It would be hard since I might have Covid (test coming back tomorrow) and am on a lot of medication which has agonizing withdraw.
I'm a 19 year old male. A hand full of times a year my father will put his ** on my **, and, or, put his hands on my hips and kiss me on the neck. This has been happening since I was 15, which was around 6 months after a mentally ill person falsely accused my father of abusing my sister and I s*xually. He has even walked up to my sister and started kissing her feet once.
My first kiss/first time was ruined because I hate the kissing sound since my father sucked on my neck in front of my mother when I was 15. The abuse makes me feel violates but doesn't happen often enouph to prove abuse.
My dad has had a bunch of opportunities in the last month to act out against me but hasn't. Even though he might not do anything for months I'm still constantly on edge.
I don't want to ruin my family by coming foward. The damage that I could do could never be repaired. All my mother has ever wanted was a "happy family" because her childhood was rouph. When I was 16 my father was verbally abusive when he was drunk and my mother joined in. She would cover for my dad if I came foward.
I wish I left. My Dad is 6' 5" and all muscle. I'm barely 5 feet and very feminine looking for a boy. Last year i was 16 and it became sexual one night.
He came into my room and forced me to drink a half a bottle of whiskey. He slapped me until i drank it. I was drunk and he ripped my boxers off and began lubing my **. I begged him to stop, but simply held me down and entered me. He lasted for 30 minutes and came in me.
The worst part was I came during **. He saw it and went crazy and was yelling he knew I wanted it and ** me so hard my ** bled the next day. After that it was nightly.
I don't fight him anymore, I'm so scared of what he'll do. I began drink on my own so he didn't slap me. Since last summer I began blowing him on my own at least 3 times a night, most nights after cummings every time in my mouth he doesn't ** ** me.
I have to sleep naked with him every morning at 5am he is lubing my ** and he ** me, and will not stop until he see me **. For the last six months I get fully hard as he lubs my **. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME!
He must be right, deep down I want to be gay for him. I hate that my body enjoys it and ** from gay **.
Why am I so ** up that I ** from gay **. I can only get hard by think about he inside me.
I WANT TO DIE.
You body is only reacting as it has become use to gay **. Your not gay no matter how much ** you swallow. You ** because his ** is big and hitting your prostate and stimulate it to **.
Try to get him to be gentle and you will start to enjoy it. He wants you to be a girl, give in and be one. Ask for bras and ** and heels and take control of the **. Get on top of him and ride him.
Soon he will do anything for you and you will be in control.