I've never confessed

I'm laying is the air mattress. Wearing a 30 dollar panties. I think there is a name for them a pantie with a sort skirt around them.
I've been experiencing high anxiety and panic attacks do to recently stop drinking which was brought on by a really bad break up with the love of my life.
I'm in pain and this panty thing well it's been around since adolescence. I usually just beat off in my girls panties as a stress relief thing on occasion.
Now I'm wearing panties and pantyhose to work. No one knows. It calms my nerves when I walk, the movement the cupping of my butt cheeks and against my c*** and b**** and a feel comfortable, and smile cause no one knows. I rock back and forth and reach into my bib overalls an pretend to pull my pants up but really I'm rubbing myself and I feel calm.
It's so crazy and comforting.
I've never bought my own panties before. It was extremely exciting. To be in target in the woman's section. And I had no problem checking out. I just didn't care.
Got home band and hurried to undress and put panties and cover up before work room mate shows up.
And there are other things going on, thoughts of being taken from behind thoughts I've never had before. Omg and just doing this.
I don't what if anything I'm going to do with this I really don't?

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