Affair with married maid.
I am a married person, have 2 kids (9 & 5 yrs son & daughter). My wife is 18 years younger to me. I am in my late 40’s now.
I am in love with my mother's maid, she is a mother of five and was married at a very young age of 13 as common in our country.
She was raped by her married uncle before she got married to a person with no family and home just because she was stigmatized as a rape victim and her father thought that no good person would marry her. She works at different houses in our neighborhood to earn and feed her children and husband and to meet her household budget. When she asks her husband to work and support her, she is harshly abused by him (physically and mentally). But she doesn’t have the courage to retaliate.
She is in her early 30’s now but very gorgeous – the hallmark of her personality which attracted me. Though I know her for years, have fantasized her many times in past but it was only 6 months ago (while she was working in our kitchen), I felt she was inclined towards me and I felt the same. She disclosed that she loved me. After that, we are having s** at regular intervals.
When I move to other cities for work, we communicate on phone but she seldom shares her personal life with me. I know it’s hard for her because of a male dominant society and an oppressed and obedient wife. I have no idea how she exactly feels about her husband and me. Though she says she loves me but also says that her husband has the primary right over her life and she belongs to him. This hurts me very badly. It is so difficult for me to accept her husband as her husband and to thing that he is controlling her life.
Though she says she loves me, but I wonder if it’s true. Even though I know we can’t be together, yet I often find myself thinking about ways to marry her. I know she wont leave her husband as it would not be acceptable by the society and she will be more stigmatized if she does and in presence of 4 sons who are now growing up. The eldest is already studying in a college.
She is the most beautiful woman ever who came into my life, and I don’t want to lose her at any cost. No women have ever made me feel the way she does.
Life feels deserted knowing she can’t be with me all the nights because of her husband. On the other hand I also feel guilty about cheating my wife and indulging myself in a vicious cycle of infatuation. She dominates my life.
Her thoughts, her want has disabled my mind to think constructively about my life.
I don’t know what to do? I need help, but don’t want to stop as well.