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Lost virginity to my mother
It happened to me in the mid 1980s My mom was a very heavy drinker, a sloppy drunk, and apparently the neighborhood **! My introduction to her world of “destroy everything you touch” happened when I was 15 and she was about 33. (Yes she had me young) well, I was awoken from a wet-dream I’ll never forget, in horror as I realized my mom was on my bed, nearly naked, with my ** in her mouth. She was actually swallowing the climax of the blowj0b she had just given me! I was terrified and frozen as she overtly made that “AHHHHH” sound as she swallowed, then lightly licked around and underneath my head, smiling and giggling, saying “don’t ever leave me again, Robert” (Robert is my dads name). I just couldn’t move or make a sound! I spent the next month feeling depressed, and disgusted with myself and disgusted with her, not just because of what she did to me, but whenever I thought about it, I got a **, which although completely natural for a 15y/o boy, it nevertheless made me feel even more guilty! The psychological trauma was massive. I became afraid of my own home, and began locking my bedroom door. I was waiting for when she would apologize (like usual) and tell me that she “was just going through a lot” as usual, but she never said anything about it, she did start acting weird around me, like being, over the top nice to me. Sometimes I’d wake up to the banging/crashing sounds of her stumbling to make it to bed, sometimes I didn’t. Anyway about 6 weeks after the first time she molested me, I must have forgotten about the lock, because when I woke-up, she was completely naked, and was climbing into my bed. I said something like “mom, wtf are you doing?” But her hand was already “massaging” me and at that age a change in the wind could get me hard, so a hand, even my mom’s, would raise my libido to maximum at light speed! I remember mom saying something like “shhh, Robert! We’ll get caught” with that, she knelt up, and began mounting me. I started to say “mom please stop, it’s me *****, I’m your son” but as I got to the “s” in son, she slid me deep inside her! She was so hot on the inside, her wetness dribbled down my **, and even the slightest movement of my moms body sent shivers of pleasure through me,I was feeling true ecstasy for the first time, so the word “son” came out more like “sssohhhhhh!” All I could do at that point was cry silently to myself, and get angrier and angrier! The worst part for me, as awful as it was, and much as I wanted it to stop, but physically, it felt amazing! That realization only served to deepen my psychological scars, and make me believe that this must be something that I wanted to happen! It only lasted maybe two minutes, and at the end I realized, I was actually thrusting, which again just gave me more guilt! Afterwards, she offered to get me a warm facecloth, but I pushed her away, grabbed my comforter and locked myself in the bathroom. The next day she caught me just as I was leaving for school, as she tried to speak I told her to leave me alone and slammed the door. That day all I could do was think about how I actually lost my virginity to my mother, and how big of a looser was I? As much as it sickened and terrified me, graphic sexual images of my mother poured through my mind, and as much as it would send literal shivers down my spine, and gross me out, I would still get really hard whenever I thought about it. That night she came home early (for her, like 9:30-10:00pm) she was not nearly as drunk and just as I began to feel a tiny bit of relief, she sat right next to me, and just put her hand right between my legs, and started deeply rubbing my **! She leaned over more and began kissing me, although I tried reciprocating, the feel of my mothers tongue on mine made me feel sick! Within minutes she made me come using her hand, and had gotten me hard again watching her lick my ** off my legs and her hands, this time she wanted me like last night, she held my hand, walked me to her room, and undressed me, then fvcked me like an animal for almost two hours! After that she wanted me to sleep with her in her bed from then on, and I did. She began drinking much less, which was the silver lining, and she either blew me, fvcked me, or more often both, almost every night except for her 5 nights a month. One of the worst parts of this for me, was how quickly it went from me being terrified and in a state of dread, to me really liking it, I even began kissing mom passionately. For all intent we became exclusive lovers. She didn’t date any guys, and I didn’t pay attention to girls at school. I just couldn’t get over the fact, she used my name all day, but as soon as the sun set, or we entered the bedroom, she would call me by my father’s name! I remember thinking how “it’s weird, but at least I’m getting laid”! My mom was diagnosed with advanced early onset Alzheimer’s Disease, almost 18 months later, and died during my junior year of college! I went from being a scarred kid being ** by his mother, to a scarred and confused kid being abused by his mother, to a broken man convinced that I was the one who abused my mom… after all, she was the one who was mentally ill, right? And I REALLY enjoyed the **, at the time! I have never had a successful relationship, and with the exception of prostitutes, I’ve never had ** with anyone but my mother. I’ve never told anyone this, ive tried telling therapists, but i just cant get the nerve to ever say this out-loud! I have dated some nice girls, but as soon as they touch my **, all I can think is “she’s no where near as good as my mom was” and thats it, I have to stop! That’s usually the end of that relationship!
I don’t know why I decided to write this today… I guess i just did it for me, just typing the words is a step to being able to say them out loud. I’m sure I’ll be mocked by half the ppl, and disbelieved by the other half! That’s okay though, I doubt that I would believe this story, if it didn’t happen to me!
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