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I wish I wasn't gay, but I am and my marriage is at risk
In high school I had my first sexual experience with another girl. It felt good. I never felt remorse or guilt. I dated exclusively other women, most were very superficial and there were several one night stands. After college I became involved with another woman, a lawyer, gay activist. Surrounded by activists I became disillusioned, one woman I met said these activists were jerks. She was right, they are jerks.
I broke off and returned to my hometown. I met a man and we became friends. In a moment of weakness I slept with him, my first time with a man. I kept up the relationship, and accepted his offer for marriage. I bore two children, lived a straight housewife and stay at home mother life. Until I lost my head with my child's preschool teacher. It was love at first sight, overwhelming, all encompassing. I confessed to my husband, he suggested I take some time and go visit my sister. The separation tore at my heart. I went home and surrendered to my feelings.
I am working with a therapist to save my marriage.
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You seem to share the dilemma of other attractive women - you have a full spectrum of potential relationships.
You are fortunate to have an understanding husband which buys you time in sorting out what is really important. With young children to raise, the best decision will be the one which insures their proper upbringing. Staying with the one you love less or not at all is not best, but the chosen partner must be agreeable to co-parent. Today’s society deems hetero and homosexual couples as being capable and acceptable parents -a luxury not afforded to previous generations. I pray that you can save what you truly and deeply love.