I'm miserable

I'm almost 40 years old, have no trade or degree yet. I'm alone, and lonely. My dog is either the dumbest dog ever or he just doesn't care to listen to me. He's depressed. I'm depressed. I can't find a job that my poor health can tolerate. I have no money and no future prospects. My parents love me and I love them but I'm in my mid-life and I'm incapable of adulting. My health is so poor that I'm not even able to read my college text book for basic math and understand it. I'm broken. I'm miserable. I'm a failure. If my parents weren't alive I don't think I'd continue my struggle. But they're still around, so I'm suck being here and being miserable. I'm chronically ill from autoimmune disease. I just want to heal. Little I've done has healed me. I'm giving up on trying to fix what's broken. I'm just broken and that's that. I can't find an online job. I can't find a job in town. I've tried entrepreneurship but that didn't work out for long. I can't make money without having money. I can't even seem to grow plants. They sprout but refuse to go much beyond that. I'm just f****** miserable.

19 days

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  • Stop measuring yourself by capitalist terms of being how productive you are etc. How mainstream society is. There are probably things in your life that you have worked on and that you are proud of. Life is not measured by material things either. I have a disability where I can't work but I've worked h****** myself and made healing myself top priority in life. For the past 30 years.

    In 20 years, I had over 50 jobs and 80% of them I was fired from. Undiagnosed disability until my mid 30s.

    It doesn't sound like the relationship you have with yourself is good and I bet there is deep self loathing that goes on. This is what you need to focus on is within. The most important relationship one will ever have will be with oneself. If that is negative, it affect everything in your life. Are you bowing down to mainstream society's expectation of what a person must be in the world? Time to look within and s**** the world, society and their disillusioned expectations. You have worth, just by being here. You are loved and cared for by just who and what you are.

    Most would reject my compassionate words and still deeply beat themselves up over something that they're not because society has ingrained that into them....but this is just a seed, that may take spout one day and could lead to a deeper healing.

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