Done with it all

so i just had this boyfriend and we went out for 3 almost 4 mounths and i loved him, but then we broke up like 2 and a half weeks ago cause i was being dumb and pushing him to do it cause i was getting dapressed again and i thought it was cause of him...turns out that it wasnt and now i am even worse than before i almost went back to cutting, but then he started saying that he still likes me and that if i would not have been so pushy he would have tried to make things work...and the dumb thing is that i believed him. that was dumb cause i got all happyish. then he told someone he was just playing me and had other girls to talk to. and on top of all that my mom found out that i had been smoking and now every time i go out she asumes that what i am doing. i only did it thinking it could help and it did for a while. i know she thinks i am a s**** up. but whatever i am done. but i am now dapressed again and it scares me. and i know my x knows but idk what he thinks and my friends are starting to notice. my mom is too and so now i know she thinks even worse of me.

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