I wanna be fat

For as long as I remember, I was always curious what it felt like being fat. When I hit puberty, my interest in fat only seemed to grow. Now, I am almost 19 and I can not stop thinking of fat. Everything reminds me of how I am not fat. For example, whenever I look down to see my feet or the floor, I wonder what it would be like to have my belly blocking my view. If I see someone who is heavier than me, whether they are double my size or if they are even slightly chubby, I imagine what it would be like to swap bodies. When I am sitting down, I feel my hands getting restless and I imagine myself having a belly to rest my hands on. If I am laying down, I imagine the weight of my fat weighing me down. Or when I’m walking, I imagine myself waddling and struggling to walk. I wanna occupy more space. I wanna feel my size. I wanna tower over everybody and be the heaviest person in any room I walk in. I want people to see me as a walking marshmallow that they can hug and sleep on top of. I wanna be fat so bad. The problem is I have the fastest metabolism of anyone I know so anytime I try very hard to gain, I end up losing it over the next few days. I go to college close to my parents so I didn’t move out and my parents are health nuts so they will never approve of my choice. Even then, I still wanna experience being fat, even if it’s just for a day. Sometimes I imagine myself waking up one day suddenly fatter, with no explanation so people don’t bug me about losing weight. That’s how bad I wanna get fat.

Feb 7

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