Never Dated "My Type."

I've never dated my type. It really **. I've gotten close, really close, but it never pans out. I've dated an upright blonde in high school who literally broke up with me in church! Next was a girl I met in college, very smart, similar values to me, beautiful dark hair... But self centered and barely told anyone about me and was chubby.

After breaking up with her, I bought a nice sporty car and my friends are a bit jealous! I do love that car. It's better than she was to me. After that quarter life crisis solidified with the car, I had a situationship with a girl from another country. We never met and just video called. She was gorgeous, repressed and wanting out of her shell and I was the ride out. A gorgeous raven haired girl with a great body, that's just about everything I wanted, visually. Something just didn't feel right. I felt like she was so unhealthily obsessed, but wanted the idea of who I was, not me. When I said I wanted a few days to think about us before making it official, she sent me roughly 30 long paragraph messages. I never read them. It was my sign to go.

After that... Rebound, I took another liking to a different girl in a campus ministry I was a part of. I'm harsh on the flawed but sometimes useful 1-10 scale, but dang was she an 8! Another gorgeous, super fit, green eyed brunette. Totally my favorite, build, eyes, hair, curves, everything. We talked all semester throughout the day and sometimes night. We'd get together when we had time. Then she just ran off with a guy cooler than me.

After that, I went on dates with several really pretty girls, set up by me, a friend, and one approached me. None worked out. I loved the chase, the hopes, the exploring of who was out there. I did crazy things, like asking for the waitress' number, winking at a girl in the parking lot and getting her number, the whole 9 yards. That was a great summer. I ran almost every day and nailed the gym. I felt so alive! I was in a really good Bible study group and thriving everywhere.

Then, later that year, after all the dates and flirting and ending up empty handed, I met a girl at an event and thought nothing of it. The next day, she adds me on an unnamed social media and we talk. We become great friends but she wanted more. She worked her way out of the friend zone and we've been together for a year.

I only went for slender and fit girls and that's still my type by far. She wasn't and isn't slender. That's why I had her in the friend zone. She's not fat like she constantly says about herself, but here's the thing: It's coming time where I marry her or break up. To complicate things, things are usually wonderful, she's my kind of ** and fun to be with when she's not horribly depressed. She says that I'm the love of her life so much and she's made me a better man in many ways... But here's the thing. I can't stand the idea of marrying a woman who isn't what I wanted. There. I said it. I'm so conflicted it kills me every day. I want a great looking woman who isn't always depressed and shares my values... But one part of that equation just isn't there. I know people aren't perfect, I'm certainly not... I'm so conflicted.

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