I think I might be in love with my
I think I might be in love with my boss. But I don't know him well enough to say for sure. I've never been so sexually attracted to anyone in my life. I know we would have great s**. I love how visceral he is. I love how he moves. I love how his voice sounds. It's totally from the heart. It sounds like he is utterly guileless. When I first started working at my company (which I totally hate) I fell in love with the sound of his voice from down the hall. I was sitting at someone else's desk and I couldn't see him. I was just drawn in. It was like no one could speak so authentically from the heart. Sometimes I feel like no one sees or appreciates that about him. He's a corporate guy and he acts very boyish and I think sometimes people don't take him seriously. But it doesn't matter how they see him, he works so hard and is so smart he accomplishes his goals regardless. I fantasize about telling him how wonderful I think he is. I fantasize about helping him "grow up" into his new position as vice president and take himself seriously. But he's a corporate guy and I'm an artsy chick who took a secretarial job just temporarily, for the money. I have no idea what he's really like. Sometimes I think we are both uncomfortable around each other because there's nothing to say. I don't fit into this horrible company, I feel like I'm in a foreign country and everyone hates me and thinks I'm a wierdo for behaving like a normal human and being kind and cooperative. Because they are catty, corporate back-stabbing wierdos. But that's a tangent. Anyway, sometimes during that awkwardness, I could swear that he is attracted to me! I'm his age (30) and I am reasonably pretty. So it isn't inconcievable. But he's shy, private, and sometimes despite all that, acts like a big j***. He won't trust me. He is weirdly private, so I try not to pry into his life, but at the same time I'm opening all his mail, credit card statements, home loan s***, etc. So I don't know where the boundary is. If I do ask a polite question, he sort of feels too guarded or embarrassed to answer. (For example, he just bought a new house, a fixer-upper project, but didn't want to talk about it. Meanwhile, I'm faxing all his loan docs...so, am I not supposed to remark that he's buying a house? It's wierd) And I do the same thing to him when he asks me questions--I sort of give a vague, shallow, shy answer, only in my case it's because I'm afraid of showing that I have a crush on him and looking unprofessional. I fantasize that he has a crush on me, and that that's why he's guarded, but it could also be that he doesn't want to talk to me because he knows how I feel and it irritates him. How could he find that irritating?? I hate him. I let my burrito get cold while writing this, and now I'm sitting her eating a cold burrito. I can't believe I have no life and I'm doing this. He would never write this s*** for me. Someday, probably soon, I will storm into his office and either quit, grab him and start making out, or punch him in the face. I welcome your feedback.