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I think I'm losing my grip on reality
I really do feel like I'm loosing my grip on reality. I've suffered from mental illness all my life but controlled it enough to "act normal". So much so that I have a good paying job, a house, wife and 3 healthy kids. I'm really struggling to keep it together. I want to kill myself and just get this over with, but I should have done that before having kids. I thought that they would give me some sort of purpose in life. I was wrong.
Constant physical and emotional pain that has gone undiagnosed (despite all my efforts) is driving to lose grip on control. It's getting to a point where I'm losing track of what I'm doing, where I am, and my emotions. I can find myself suddenly angry or sad with a great urge to lash out. So far, most of the urges have been kept under wraps but it's getting tougher the older I get. Recovery from the painful bouts of inflammation and subsequent mental degradation is slower than ever. I don't know how much "sane" time I have left. I'm scared and I don't know what to do.
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