I am the worst human being in the world

Almost 30, no jobs, no money, live with father, no friends, no love life, no house and no cars at all. I had burnt many bridges with my mom and my bestfriends. I always being their pest and I always made them miserable. I never being religious to the God for these years so I think I have many sins. I never contributed to society. I have many bad attitude:easily get angry, changing moods, laughing too much, lazy, have ugly face and fat. What I have here is that a PhD in Computer Science with no direction at all, no progress and have thousands of debt with student loan. I only sitting in my tiny room and playing computer games everyday. I sucked at coding and my stupid brain cannot work at all. I ** at reading papers because I am very dumb (oh yeah,and also ** at math). I admit that I am not good at doing jobs at all. Maybe being a PhD student the worst decision I ever made. But it is already 3 year. It is too late! Now, I try to fight at myself but I can't. I already defeated. I am not the same person as me 12-years-old. Sometimes, I wonder when this thing will end. I am sorry mama papa, I am a very failure daughter to you. Maybe I should've not born into this world. It feels that I've failed everything.

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