Wife Cheated and I am Hating Life

My wife is a beautiful woman, amazing mother and horrible wife.

Earlier this year, after 22 years of marriage, she finally admitted to one affair 8 years ago with my sons lax coach that ended in 2015. He slid into the DM’s of all the moms and a few of them were going through tough times (**). 2 years into being the team mom, I caught them texting inappropriately. When I spoke with them, they apologized and claimed nothing else happened. The kicker is that I handled it so well that they started having ** and ruined my life.

We moved out of state 3 years ago and now she decided to confess the affair that ended so long ago that the details are fuzzy. I then logged into our cell carrier and noticed they had texted at least 8 times in the past year. Of course all the texts were deleted, but since they were innocent small talk texts “about the weather”;)

She apologizes often claiming she wants to save the relationship, but I can’t even look in the mirror and respect the “good man” I see. It has been ~5 months since the official DDay and I feel no joy, have no future that I desire, but tons of obligations I am responsible to meet.

I confess that I want to retroactively earn the horrible pain that my wife created and God feels I deserve. I regret every part of my history besides my kids. I hate that on my deathbed, a man I have never liked or respected will be the most impactful man in my life.

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