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No More Unrequited Love
I have a bad habit of falling in love with female friends. I just destroyed a friendship because of this. I don't think I can be platonic friends with her because I can never stop wanting more. I've never had a friend zone of my own. Nobody has fantasised about a relationship with me while knowing nothing would make them happier. They would dream about it like people dream about winning the lottery, i.e. they would feel like the luckiest person in the world. I felt that way about the friend I just lost. I wish I were one of those guys who only wants **; if I were, I wouldn't be in all this pain. Loneliness will do this to you; it'll drive you crazy and into the arms of anybody who has shown interest. She did show interest at first and boy did iI run with it. I'm terrified that I will die alone. I'm not interested in one-night stands. I've had a couple but I felt uncomfortable. It just felt too...transactional. I know I can't be friends with this woman: she expresses her appreciation for some male celebrity ** symbol and it kills me inside. Time to move on. It's hardly the first time this sort of thing has happened. I'll get over it, but for now I feel so ** depressed. I also feel like I wasn't a good friend to her. I was supportive and did many things to make her happy but it was all based on a lie: the love I felt for her was not that of friendship; I wanted her to be my lover and I was playing the long game.
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