Going Back to Ex Vs. Entering Love Triangle

I'm caught between two guys. The first one I went out with but then he broke up with me following the death of his father. Well, a month after the death of his father because we hadn't talked for a a while. Miscommunication is a b****. Anyway, we eventually got back to talking to eachother, and for the last 2 months we've been talking nearly everyday about a multitude of things, like our normal geeky hobbies, personal life stuff, relationships, and s** among other things. Lately, it's been sounding as if he's been wanting to start again with me, just in the way we have such intimate conversations, and he's even mentioned wanting to fool around with me before he goes off to university. Thing is, do I really want to go back with him? I mean, I do care for him. I always will. And fooling around with him would be pretty nice and fun. But do I want to go back in a relationship with him? I really don't know. I feel like we're always going to have a connection. I won't allow myself to lose communication with him like I did for that month before our break-up. He's still a very special person in my life. We've known each other for a while and I guess I'm confused as to what kind of love I'm feeling for him right now.
Now the other guy is someone who I met through one of my university friends. The two of them would chat all the time online, and eventually, he made his way down to our university. The two of us clicked right away. We were singing songs together in the car, we expressed similar views on matters, etc. He even gave me a good sit up back rub that night when all of us were just chatting. He left the next day, and I found out that the guy who introduced us, my friend from uni, actually had a big crush on him. Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. I finally worked up the courage to ask my gay friend for this guy's e-mail address. He was very reluctant, and even told me that the guy asked me for my e-mail address a week previous (oooeeeoo), but he gave me the address (after I had to remind him before he left). So we eventually began talking again, found that were are incredibly similar in our interests and our ways of thinking. Canada Day came, and I wasn't really going to do anything special...until the guy told me he was coming to town with his cousin and wanted to meet up with me downtown. So I decided to go and meet my friends down there and eventually found the guy in the massive crowd (using cellphone technology, of course!). When we saw each other, he picked me up and spun me around. It was nice. We, my friends included, wandered around downtown until 2 am that night. Just as we were about to turn around to take him back to his cousin's girlfriend's, he pulled me into a hug, and finally kissed me. That kiss....it's still with me. I can't really describe it. I hadn't felt anything like that for awhile. After that night, we'd talk more and more, and felt that in order to really get to know each other more, we should do it in person. So he came over for a few days after picking up a train (he lives 2 hours away). During that visit, he revealed something to me. He and my gay friend had actually fooled around at New Year's Eve (no s**, however). He was curious about it and wanted to experiment, but never wanted to be in a relationship with another guy. I'm totally fine with that because I'm open minded and to me, that's like fooling around with a girl. Big whoop. What I understand now, is why my gay friend has a crush on this guy. So, all is going well here, but I still have yet to tell my gay friend about what's been going on because I'm really afriad I'm going to hurt him, not to mention I'm living with him next school year among 4 other girls.
So it's pretty much go back with an ex where our break-up has been pretty much explained and justified, or go into a love triangle with a guy and my gay friend. Love used to be so much more easy -_-

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  • I'm curious why you cant just have healthy intimate relationship without attaching a name to it. Like -going out-. Can't you just hang with each other? If he becomes a s**-buddy then awesome. Really, do you have a true -in love- feelings? Cant you decide which is true love, and which is infatuation? Can't you be single for a bit, with great intimate friends in open relationships?

    Anyways, I think you are making it more difficult for yourself.

    But I think its great that you are not knee-j*** homophobic

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