Behind the Walken confessions

I love Chirstopher Walken so GOD. DAMNED. MUCH.

You people can't even begin to understand my fascination, love and devotion to this man. You all think I'm a joke. That I'm just some kid with nothing better to do, posting cryptic messages about some random celebrity for s**** and giggles. Even after this confession, you might still doubt me. It doesn't help that my first few confessions about that beautiful man have spawned some no good trolls trying to tarnish my name. But damn it, I need to get through to someone. Enough is enough. Someone needs to understand and acknowledge the extent of my love for Walken. I love him far too much for it to go un-noticed any longer.

You think I'm making this up? I'm obsessed with this man. Obsessed, I tell you. I love his face. His voice. His body. Sometimes I feel the sensation of him holding me as I fall asleep, and imagining such a thing brings tears of joy to my eyes. But as soon as I realize that it isn't real, I feel as though I've been punched in the gut, and I start shaking and crying, sometimes screaming from the excruciating pain I feel whenever I am forced to face my Walken-less reality. Many times I have contemplated killing myself because I am not physically close enough to Walken to survive, but the hope of one day being with him is the only thing that keeps me alive. I cry every night, every day, out of obsession, frustration, joy, ecstasy, sorrow, love. Walken evokes every emotion out of me. Everything I feel, I feel for Walken. I've seen every movie, TV show, music video, everything he has ever appeared in. I have devoted my life to this man. I spend every waking moment thinking about him, fantasizing, contemplating my future with him. Every night I dream about him. I have a reoccurring dream where I go ballroom dancing with him, afterward I lead him into my bedroom and Christopher Walken sprawls out on my bedsheets, bare naked, spreading his legs and begging me to f*** him as hard as I can. Just recalling these dreams brings me very intense, instantaneous o******.

My love for Walken is not a joke. It is not unhealthy. It is not funny. It is a pure, perfect, overwhelmingly passionate love that I'm sure no one else has ever felt before. If they did, we could not have a functional society. God (or should I say Walken?) chose me, and only me to bare this burden, this gift, this miracle of love and devotion. Without Christopher Walken, I wouldn't exist. He is the center of my universe. Laugh all you want, doubt all you want, but in the end, know this- I am real, as real as Walken himself, and I love him. I love him so god damned much.

You better f****** believe it.


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  • Hey dude, Chris here. I'm comin over soon as I finish me burger and brush me teeth. Get ready!

  • ^ Oh, I see it now. I should have read the whole thing before posting that first comment. Sorry, I feel like an ass now.

  • So, from what I can gather, you like Christopher Walken?

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