Part of me hates being a woman...

...or at least has insecurities about it- but I don't get why. Whenever I hang out with guys, although the people I hang out with are generally nice people, I keep thinking "they're taller then me- I hate that! Why are their voices so deep? Why are their hands so big? Why this- why that?"

I'm recovering from a long time period when I was afraid of people, and further more, afraid of guys. Afraid socially, that is. I blocked a lot of people out and was injured emotionally from being forced to live an alienated life (and no a guy did not force me.) I really didn't trust guys. For some reason I saw in them everything I was emotionally scared of, arrogance, smugness, a number of other things. My view was so warped, I automatically bracketed most guys into this boundary.

I can see now they're good people, but for some reason even their physical appearance- something quite different from girls as I'm more used to hanging around girls, reminds me of those fears. But I won't let that defeat me, and it's not even a danger. Just for now, an inconvenience.

Sorry ^^;

What am I after? - I don't know. Well, I do kinda, why else would I be posting this? A response of truth to help further clear the fog? Reassurance, or something? I would rather be friends on some level with everyone really. I don't want to alienate people.

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  • Thanks both. That was really helpful. Don't know if this is the last time I'll post on this site but, yeah. ^^

  • ^That is a nice bit of writing there. Good job. No blame or thinking that her father or adult influence did something -bad-. It might have happened but we can not say until more details come.

    Cultures can clash, but you can learn so much if you let go of your fears, and admit that you are ignorant but know its not a bad thing. Its just the start. Perhaps attending a multi-cultural event might help you learn about good and bad traits. But understand stereotypes exist for bad reasons. There is no getting away from that unfortunately.

    Best of luck!

  • Well, what forced you to live an alienated life?

    Your fears of these characteristics of arrogance and smugness should not be limited to guys. I've met plenty of girls with those same traits and much worse. Some of us can sense these personalities, and therefore avoid them, while others either don't notice these qualities or need them as a crutch for their own insecurities. Basically we are all people. Guys and girls. Connected as one. Human. It's just that each of our brains likes to view this connection in a different way. It takes a special perspective to distinguish clearly the differences and similarities of oneself and others. To identify the traits in others that you would like to be surrounded by is crucial. I believe alienation in moderation is necessary to obtain such a perspective. I also believe you must be in touch with who you are before you can fully recognize who everyone else is. That's just what my brain thinks though, yours may have a mind of its own.

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