Part of me hates being a woman...
...or at least has insecurities about it- but I don't get why. Whenever I hang out with guys, although the people I hang out with are generally nice people, I keep thinking "they're taller then me- I hate that! Why are their voices so deep? Why are their hands so big? Why this- why that?"
I'm recovering from a long time period when I was afraid of people, and further more, afraid of guys. Afraid socially, that is. I blocked a lot of people out and was injured emotionally from being forced to live an alienated life (and no a guy did not force me.) I really didn't trust guys. For some reason I saw in them everything I was emotionally scared of, arrogance, smugness, a number of other things. My view was so warped, I automatically bracketed most guys into this boundary.
I can see now they're good people, but for some reason even their physical appearance- something quite different from girls as I'm more used to hanging around girls, reminds me of those fears. But I won't let that defeat me, and it's not even a danger. Just for now, an inconvenience.
What am I after? - I don't know. Well, I do kinda, why else would I be posting this? A response of truth to help further clear the fog? Reassurance, or something? I would rather be friends on some level with everyone really. I don't want to alienate people.