Forgive And Forget

Me and Sarah were BEST friends you could possibly imagine. Kinda like those you see on TV. Sure we had fights, but we would get on pretty fast. We always did everything together. We liked the same things. We went to the same events, together. We confessed secrets to each other. Whenever I was feeling bad, I could count on her. I told her my thoughts. I told her about my secret crush and drooled over him daily in front of her, and she was very supportive. Whenever I said something bad about myself, she would deny it with the best reasons. She would go on and on about me being so great and emphasizing my qualities. She would laugh at my jokes (even if they weren't funny). We were crazy together. Even though we did the most stupid things - but it doesn't matter, 'cause we did it together. Even though we were sometimes totally different at some points, we were still best. We took oaths on being friends for ever. She was always the one who would tell me that something I did was wrong, or that I didn't dress good for school today or whatever. She was always supportive. When I was failing at school, she was the one who got me going again.

When you hear all of this, you must think - Gosh, then what is the problem!?
I've been asking myself the same.
All of a sudden, some girls in class (who hated us before), started to invite us to go hang out with them, etc. I knew what they were like (they were the school s****) and I didn't wanna hang out with them. But Sarah bought it. She kept going out with them, more than she did with me. I felt alone (as she was my only good friend) and realized that I was crying more often, and feeling bad. She wasn't by my side anymore, and I have felt it. She even lied to me, just so she could go with them. Even though we hated that kind of girls before, (or at least, I thought so), she was becoming one of them. I was shocked to see her dress up in designer clothes, with make-up, and flirting with boys. I felt like I just took an enormous blow to the stomach. The worst of all, she started disliking the things we loved before. Now it was "lame" to watch "Hannah Montana", and just a month ago, we were frolicking every time we would see her. She changed a lot. She lost weight, and bought a lot of new clothes, accessories, and didn't wear glasses any more. I couldn't believe my eyes! She changed so much... I was speechless. She started kissing the main s**** in the class on the cheek, and hugging them (as they do between each other). When I tried to do something with her, she would say: "Don't you think that's a little bit childish?". From these moments on, I knew that my life was upside down. The worst of it all was that she pretended that nothing at all happened. She was like: "Why are you mad? What did I do to you?". When she said that, I thought I was going to beat her up. But luckily, I didn't ('cause she would be dying right now if I did). We got in fights more often, and argued a LOT. We disagreed on everything. When we would get in a big fight, she would say the most horrible things about me. I couldn't stand it anymore. I realized that she has transformed from a not noticeable, weird, funny girl (like we both were) to a slutty b****. She didn't tell me anything anymore. I found out she has gotten her period, had a boyfriend, and already kissed 4 boys! When I told her, she said: "Didn't I tell you that? Oh, sorry." I was SO MAD. When I got home from school, I wouldn't tell anyone about it, I would just go and break all the glass things in the house (as I imagined it was her). My mom asked what's wrong several times, but I kept denying that anything's wrong. One day, I cleared it all up in my head. I sat down, and thought about it really good. I never liked being messed with, and I would always show my attitude about it. But this was more serious. I was breaking a 7 year old friendship. I was broken, I had to do it. I decided not to talk to her anymore, not to answer her calls, and not to hang out with her, but she would not know that we're over. She called me every day, I didn't answer it. She sent me messages on MSN, but I didn't reply (I was being online intentionally, so she would see that I'm there, that I just don't want to answer her). She would talk to me in school, but I didn't listen. I just said "aha" occasionally. I wasn't interested in her stories, which were e.g. "Marc kissed Katy", "I bought a new eye shadow" etc. When she would invite me to her house, I replied something like "I have more important stuff to do" (yeah, like watch the grass grow), and "I gotta go out with my other friends, Nina and others". She would be disappointed, I saw that. One day, she got up to me and asked what's the problem with me and her. She said that we weren't hanging out like we used to. I was like "Oh, really? Didn't see that". LOL. I was denying everything, and played dumb like her, until one day. She seriously asked me what was wrong, and I was tired of playing games. I told her everything. She said that we were always best friends, and that those girls could never break something like what we had. I was cold and didn't believe her anything. I was trying to pick a fight. I told her every little detail. She tried to deny everything, and I bet she was kinda feeling guilty. But I didn't buy it. I wasn't going to forgive her. She started to cry, and she left to her home. She says that we were going to talk about this more, but we never did. In school, I was cold to her, and we didn't sit together at the classes anymore. We were back to the old. No talking, not doing anything. I ignored her. Deep inside myself, I regret it. I suffer all the time. We never went out again. We didn't see each other in a long time. That was somewhere around February. And, now it's 6th August. In the meantime, I thought about us every day, and remembered about the good times. It still hurts me a lot.

Being a fool as I always was, I decided to take things slow, and show her that I wasn't final with those statements. I missed her. I sent her a private message on Facebook saying "Did you go to the seaside? And did you get 'The Sims 3'? It's awesome." and that - was my apology. I got the guts and I spoke to her. I will also give her a link to this story, so I don't have to repeat it.
Finally, you now know how I feel and have felt about you. I'm not saying I forgive you, but we can start talking again, at least.
P.S. I really miss you Sarah.
Your turn to apologize now?

Jul 8, 2010

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