I am married with beutiful children. I
I am married with beutiful children. I have known that I have a great friendship with my wife and that it is not true love for many years. I have had several physical affairs but none that meant anything. I felt of course tremendous guilt about this. We recently move accross country and just a few day after we moved in I went with my son down the street to meet our new neighbors. Well my son's new playmate's mother was just stunning, I mean she blew me away. As I walked away down the side walk all I could think was, how am I going to stay away from her. Months have gone by and we have gotten to be friends with both her and her husband. Our sons grew to be good friends and I would take he two of them to play soccer and football at the park. But I will confess that I was always looking for a reason to see her again. It was like I just could not get enough. As it turns out her husband is almost eighteen years older than her and it was obvious to my wife and I from the time we spent around them that niether one of them are happy at all. During several of the social hours, dinners and cocktail parties I had begun to notice that she was looking at me, at some points it was obvious. However, I guess I would have never noticed if I too had not been looking at her. I continually told myself that it was just in my head and that I should ignore it. Eventually, several months after we first meet, we were alone at a party in the neighborhood and she approach me. She asked, "Is it just me or is there something else going on between she and I." I confessed that it was not just her and that could not get her out of my mind no matter how hard I tried. She suggested that I email her and several days later I did. I just asked if she remembered our conversation and she did of course. We have been seeing each other (secretly) for almost a month now. I have feeling for her that I have only once experienced and it was not my wife. I had given up on love. Although, the relationship is somewhat physical I have not slept with her. The crazy thing is I don't need to I know how she feels about me. Sure I want to and I fantasize about it, but I really care for her and I do not want this to be just a physical thing and I do not want to hurt her. On another note I have been telling my wife even before this that I feel we would be better off going seperate directions. I do not want to hurt my children but then again I will not be an absent father either. Or not any more absent than I already am given my work schedule. I have already told my wife that I want partial custody. And that I will take care of them finacially. With or without the other person I know that I should leave. My situation will never change I will never love my wife like she deserves, so it is just a matter of being honest with her.