I've had to fight my mind so much

Seriously, mental illness is not me, and the part of my mind that presents so many anxieties is not me. My mind picks up tons of crud that others don't, half of it useful causing people to think I'm really deep, observant and intelligent and poetic, the other half of it extra information about philosophical and social situations that caused me great anxiety. In the end the only way to deal with it was to develop the ability to mentally block and bury certain memories on purpose. My life is so whacked. My mind always wants to calculate to the very worst of things to prepare or something. It's only now that I've gotten control over it to live a good life. Never gonna be normal though. Need sleeping pills too.

I'm not saying I'm smarter then others, I barely got by with maths, and with mental illness you find out that what you lack in one area of the mind (me- lack of zero anxiety and mental flippin peace) you make up for in another. Everything is balanced.

But not many people I know of have had to develop the ability to mentally bury a number of subjects in their heads on purpose. To bury it so that you know you've buried something but are safe from what that something is, and to bring it out again and bury it again when you want to.

Sometimes I picture myself dying at the age of 60 from a heart attack.

This is whacked, and nobody's even gonna believe this post anyway.

So get to the flaming part already.

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