A moment where it could not be tolerated.
Saturday evening, I started to feel a twinge of pain in my genitals during a moment of sexual arousal. I couldn’t sleep or shake the feeling of this moment of truth if I could resist the temptation of master bating, but going through a period of weakness and not being able to tolerate the unbearable pain in my reproductive organs, and at last I finally gave into self-gratifying myself in order to releaser the built up pressure that I have been trying to keep a lid for the last four weeks. During the point, I was thinking about how I would express my intimacy to who I will be sharing my life with in the future, but after relieving myself I felt both relieved from the pain and the shame of doing myself again in a disgusting manner. All those just to stop my genitals from aching just so that I can get a good night sleep. I told myself that I should spend more time mingling with women instead of wasting my excitement by myself, because to be honest I think that doing myself is starting to feel very apathetic. For from now on whenever I get excited or aroused I am going to turn all my energy towards a constructive pursuit in connecting with young women; not for the means of getting laid, but for the purpose of establishing a friendly relation.