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Handicapped
I have been in a wheelchair for over a year now and by now I know things are not getting better. The problem is I am still young, or at least my brain is. So I still have all those dreams and urges and impulses - as if I were capable. Which is clearly not the case. And not going to be.
My wife was very brave through all this and helped me settle into my new reality. But I think it is time to move on for her and find another man with whom she can have her dream. No problem if she lets me be friends, or a friend to their future family. I told her that and she knows I mean it.
I knew it was hard for her this last year and a half and we are modern people. In love but not making things impossible. I met her at a dating App and it worked for us. And now I want her to go ahead. I know she knows it. But she is reluctant to admit it. Sure I understand to me my change is something I cannot elect. but to her making the change is a choice. One she has to make. But we are all poor at making changes. Aren't we. They frighten us. We are not wired for the unknown, we linger and elect to remain with what is known. But this is no good for a young woman like that.
Some time ago, maybe a month, I told her I want her to find a date. She was unwilling but I asked her to do this for me. I lied I want to see things. She knew I always did but those were just fantasies. But now I lied I wanted these fantasies to become. Reluctantly she agreed and I got to watch her with a young boy. She recorded it all on her phone. He took her fast and hard and he blew his load inside her. And I could see she did like that part. Later, being this young, he rested little and then he half forced upon herself and had her give him an exhausting oral. He held her head long and hard and did not let her spill anything. I know this would have been an exciting thing for other men to watch. But for me now it was as if I watched Netflix. Emotionally moving while it lasted, but otherwise totally sexually unrelated. So I understand now this is gone for me too. I apologized to her and told her this does not work at all.
I know I have made a mistake, but not out of bad heart. Just that I am still learning this new body of mine. Or half of it. The one that still is mine.
Even though your in a wheelchair I still wanna show u a good time