the satisfaction of it all.
some wouldn't guess. some may say it's for the attention. some may say it's a lie. some may say i could never be like that. and i was part of that some, until it happened to me. i'm seven teen year's old and i happen to be bulimic. it's a feeling of control. it's a feeling of satisfaction. knowing i can eat whatever and not gain a pound. it's the knowing i'm killing myself, but almost the game to see how long I can go with out getting caught. it's when I'm to the point where I don't even need stick my hands down your throat anymore, I just throw up automatically. It's like my body has become so used to it. it's become a life style. it's the feeling i get when i'm leaned over the toilet bowl crying realizing this is what my life has turned into. griping my cross necklace like that will take all the wrong out of it. i brush my teeth 5 time's more then the average person. Its the empty hole in my stomach or the burning sensation when im done. the hunger feeling that doesn't go away. so i quickly eat something then throw it up twenty minutes later. and this is what they call binge eating. it's the fact i'm not ashamed in fact i feel a bit of satisfaction with myself. it's the fact a little part of me is just waiting for the day i finally go to rehab. it's the fact i want to skip meals so i don't have to throw up, but then i feel so guilty for not eating because in some sorta way i feel like being bulimic is better. it's having the guts to keep one meal in my body thru out the day, then before i go to bed. throwing up so much my body shakes. it's the feeling of having a fever at any given day of the week. it's the fact im sick. & i need help. but the satisfaction of not being caught. over rules the fact of getting help